Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour. Maugham William Somerset

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Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour - Maugham William Somerset


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Frederick

      That's the worst of Monte. One meets as many creditors as in Bond Street. Say I'm engaged.

Servant

      Madame Claude says she will wait till miladi is free.

Fouldes

      You make a mistake. One should always be polite to people whose bills one can't pay.

Lady Frederick

      Show her in.

Servant

      Yes, miladi.

[Exit Servant.Fouldes

      Is it a big one?

Lady Frederick

      Oh, no; only seven hundred pounds.

Fouldes

      By Jove.

Lady Frederick

      My dear friend, one must dress. I can't go about in fig-leaves.

Fouldes

      One can dress simply.

Lady Frederick

      I do. That's why it costs so much.

Fouldes

      You know, you're devilish extravagant.

Lady Frederick

      I'm not. I'm content with the barest necessities of existence.

Fouldes

      You've got a maid.

Lady Frederick

      Of course I've got a maid. I was never taught to dress myself.

Fouldes

      And you've got a footman.

Lady Frederick

      I've always had a footman. And my mother always had a footman. I couldn't live a day without him.

Fouldes

      What does he do for you?

Lady Frederick

      He inspires confidence in tradesmen.

Fouldes

      And you have the most expensive suite of rooms in the hotel.

Lady Frederick

      I'm in such a dreadful mess. If I hadn't got nice rooms I should brood over it.

Fouldes

      Then, as if that weren't enough, you fling your money away at the tables.

Lady Frederick

      When you're as poor as I am, a few louis more or less can make absolutely no difference.

Fouldes

      [With a laugh.] You're quite incorrigible.

Lady Frederick

      It's really not my fault. I do try to be economical, but money slips through my fingers like water. I can't help it.

Fouldes

      You want a sensible sort of a man to look after you.

Lady Frederick

      I want a very rich sort of a man to look after me.

Fouldes

      If you were my wife, I should advertise in the papers that I wasn't responsible for your debts.

Lady Frederick

      If you were my husband, I'd advertise immediately underneath that I wasn't responsible for your manners.

Fouldes

      I wonder why you're so reckless.

Lady Frederick

      When my husband was alive I was so utterly wretched. And afterwards, when I looked forward to a little happiness, my boy died. Then I didn't care any more. I did everything I could to stupefy myself. I squandered money as other women take morphia – that's all.

Fouldes

      It's the same dear scatter-brained, good-hearted Betsy that I used to know.

Lady Frederick

      You're the only person who calls me Betsy now. To all the others I'm only Elizabeth.

Fouldes

      Look here, what are you going to do with this dressmaker?

Lady Frederick

      I don't know. I always trust to the inspiration of the moment.

Fouldes

      She'll make a devil of a fuss, won't she?

Lady Frederick

      Oh, no; I shall be quite nice to her.

Fouldes

      I daresay. But won't she be very disagreeable to you?

Lady Frederick

      You don't know what a way I have with my creditors.

Fouldes

      I know it's not a paying way.

Lady Frederick

      Isn't it? I bet you a hundred louis that I offer her the money and she refuses it.

Fouldes

      I'll take that.

Lady Frederick

      Here she is.

[Madame Claude enters, ushered in by the Servant. She is a stout, genteel person, very splendidly gowned, with a Cockney accent. Her face is set to sternness, decision to make a scene, and general sourness.Servant

      Madame Claude.

[Exit Servant. Lady Frederick goes up to her enthusiastically and takes both her hands.Lady Frederick

      Best of women. This is a joyful surprise.

Madame Claude

      [Drawing herself up.] I 'eard quite by chance that your ladyship was at Monte.

Lady Frederick

      So you came to see me at once. That was nice of you. You're the very person I wanted to see.

Madame Claude

      [Significantly.] I'm glad of that, my lady, I must confess.

Lady Frederick

      You dear creature. That's one advantage of Monte Carlo, one meets all one's friends. Do you know Mr. Fouldes? This is Madame Claude, an artist, my dear Paradine, a real artist.

Madame Claude

      [Grimly.] I'm pleased that your ladyship should think so.

Fouldes

      How d'you do.

Lady Frederick

      Now, this gown. Look, look, look. In this skirt there's genius, mon cher. In the way it hangs my whole character is expressed. Observe the fullness of it, that indicates those admirable virtues which make me an ornament to Society, while the frill at the bottom just suggests those foibles – you can hardly call them faults – which add a certain grace and interest to my personality. And the flounce. Paradine, I beseech you to look at it carefully. I would sooner have designed this flounce than won the Battle of Waterloo.

Madame Claude

      Your ladyship is very kind.

Lady Frederick

      Not at all, not at all. You remember that rose chiffon. I wore it the other day, and the dear Archduchess came up to me and said: "My dear, my dear." I thought she was going to have a fit. But when she recovered she kissed me on both cheeks and said: "Lady Frederick, you have a dressmaker worth her weight in gold." You heard her, Paradine, didn't you?

Fouldes

      You forget that I only arrived last night.

Lady Frederick

      Of course. How stupid of me. She'll be perfectly delighted to hear that you're in Monte Carlo. But I shall have to break it to her gently.

Madame Claude

      [Unmoved.] I'm sorry to intrude upon your ladyship.

Lady Frederick

      Now what are you talking about? If you hadn't come to see me I should never have forgiven you.

Madame Claude

      I wanted to have a little talk with your ladyship.

Lady Frederick

      Oh, but I hope we shall have many little talks. Have you brought your motor down?

Madame Claude

      Yes.

Lady Frederick

      That's charming. You shall take me for a drive in it every day. I hope you're going to stay some time.

Madame Claude

      That depends on circumstances, Lady Frederick. I 'ave a little business to do here.

Lady Frederick

      Then let me give you one warning – don't gamble.

Madame
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