Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour. Maugham William Somerset
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no, my lady. I gamble quite enough in my business as it is. I never know when my customers will pay their bills – if ever.
[Slightly taken aback.] Ha, ha, ha.
[With a deep guffaw.] Ho, ho, ho.
Isn't she clever? I must tell that to the Archduchess. She'll be so amused. Ha, ha, ha, ha. The dear Archduchess, you know she loves a little joke. You must really meet her. Will you come and lunch? I know you'd hit it off together.
[More genially.] That's very kind of your ladyship.
My dear, you know perfectly well that I've always looked upon you as one of my best friends. Now who shall we have? There's you and me and the Archduchess. Then I'll ask Lord Mereston.
The Marquess of Mereston, Lady Frederick?
Yes. And Mr. Fouldes, his uncle.
Excuse me, are you the Mr. Paradine Fouldes?
[Bowing.] At your service, madam.
I'm so glad to make your acquaintance, Mr. Fouldes. [Unctuously.] I've always heard you're such a bad man.
Madam, you overwhelm me with confusion.
Believe me, Mr. Fouldes, it's not the ladies that are married to saints who take the trouble to dress well.
Now we want a third man. Shall we ask my brother – you know Sir Gerald O'Mara, don't you? Or shall we ask Prince Doniani? Yes, I think we'll ask the Prince. I'm sure you'd like him. Such a handsome man! That'll make six.
It's very kind of you, Lady Frederick, but – well, I'm only a tradeswoman, you know.
A tradeswoman? How can you talk such nonsense. You are an artist – a real artist, my dear. And an artist is fit to meet a king.
Well, I don't deny that I'd be ashamed to dress my customers in the gowns I see painted at the Royal Academy.
Then it's quite settled, isn't it, Madame Claude – oh, may I call you Ada?
Oh, Lady Frederick, I should be very much flattered. But how did you know that was my name?
Why you wrote me a letter only the other day.
Did I?
And such a cross letter too.
[Apologetically.] Oh, but Lady Frederick, that was only in the way of business. I don't exactly remember what expressions I may have made use of —
[Interrupting, as if the truth had suddenly flashed across her.] Ada! I do believe you came here to-day about my account.
Oh, no, my lady, I promise you.
You did; I know you did. I see it in your face. Now that really wasn't nice of you. I thought you came as a friend.
I did, Lady Frederick.
No, you wanted to dun me. I'm disappointed in you. I did think, after all the things I've had from you, you wouldn't treat me like that.
But I assure your ladyship…
Not another word. You came to ask for a cheque. You shall have it.
No, Lady Frederick, I wouldn't take it.
What is the exact figure, Madame Claude?
I – I don't remember.
Seven hundred and fifty pounds, seventeen and ninepence. You see, I remember. You came for your cheque and you shall have it.
Now, Lady Frederick, I should look upon that as most unkind. It's treating me like a very second-rate establishment.
I'm sorry, but you should have thought of that before. Now I haven't got a cheque; how tiresome.
Oh, it doesn't matter, Lady Frederick. I promise you it never entered my 'ead.
What shall I do?
You can write it on a sheet of paper, you know.
[With a look, aside to him.] Monster! [Aloud.] Of course I can. I hadn't thought of that. [She takes a sheet of paper.] But how on earth am I to get a stamp?
[Much amused.] I happen to have one on me.
I wonder why on earth you should have English stamps in Monte Carlo?
[Handing her one.] A penny stamp may sometimes save one a hundred louis.
[Ironically.] Thanks so much. I write the name of my bank on the top, don't I? Pay Madame Claude…
Now, it's no good, Lady Frederick, I won't take it. After all I 'ave my self-respect to think of.
It's too late now.
[Sniffing a little.] No, no, Lady Frederick. Don't be too 'ard on me. As one lady to another I ask you to forgive me. I did come about my account, but – well, I don't want the money.
[Looking up good-humouredly.] Well, well. [She looks at the cheque.] It shall be as you wish. There. [She tears it up.]
Oh, thank you, Lady Frederick. I look upon that as a real favour. And now I really must be getting off.
Must you go? Well, good-bye. Paradine, take Madame Claude to her motor. Ada!
[Going.] I am pleased to have seen you.
How d'you do?
[Getting down.] How nice of you to come. I wanted to see you.
May I sit down?
Of course. There are one or two things I'd like to talk to you about.
Yes?
First I must thank you for your great kindness to Gerald. I didn't know last night that he owed you a good deal of money.
It's a mere trifle.
You must be very rich to call nine hundred pounds that?
I am.
[With a laugh.] All the same it's extremely good of you to give him plenty of time.
I