The Clitical Guide to Female Self-Pleasure: How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too. Jenne Davis
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to help you see that sexually you are much more than those three, or possibly four, body parts, depending on how you look at it.
Let's Get One Thing Straight!
Before we go any further, though, let's get one thing straight from the get-go…
Vulvas are not vaginas. Despite the fact that they both begin with the letter V and are part of one another and, more importantly, part of you, they perform very different functions when it comes to sex. Vaginas are the inner part of the vulva, which is the outside part of your female sexual anatomy. Yet so many of us don't know that simple difference – and I'm not just referring to the male species here – women are equally guilty when they talk about their vulvas and refer to them as their vaginas.
If you enjoy clitoral pleasure, and, yes, we will get to discussing your clitoris in the next chapter, then you are touching your vulva. If you enjoy penetrative sex, then you are using your vagina. There is a difference and it is important to understand the difference; learning to use the correct term is a great way to show others that you understand your own body as well.
Are You Sitting Comfortably?
The other reason why many of us feel uncomfortable when it comes to masturbation is that we are often taught that our vulvas are something that should always be hidden, which is admittedly not helped by the fact that they are securely nestled between our upper thighs, and are, in fact, well, hidden. Cotton knickers or panties are placed there and we are told only to make sure that we wear clean panties each day. I clearly recall my own mother declaring that this was in case I was ever in a car accident. Looking back, that was a silly statement, but at the time I took her warning seriously as I'm sure many other little girls did and still do.
I tried to recall an instance where I was actually told not to ever show my hidden or private parts to a boy, and I really can't. It was just something that you never did – if you were a good girl. When you sat down and were wearing a skirt, the norm was to ensure that no part of your privates was exposed to the stare of a guy. Again, no specific instructions may have ever been given; it was something you simply learned unconsciously. After all, they were your ‘private’ parts. Now, I'm not suggesting that you go around wearing no panties or show your vulva to the next guy that walks into your office or workplace. I'm just trying to illustrate where we may have learned the idea that our vulvas are for our lovers’ eyes only and until then shall remain private at all costs.
A Fish by Any Other Name
Another reason that you may feel discomfort when talking about, or looking at, your own genitals is that rarely are our genitals referred to by their correct names. Instead they are referred to as ‘private parts’, or worst still, ‘fish’, ‘star fish’, ‘love taco’, ‘meat curtains’, ‘twat’, or some other equally demeaning name. None of which helps us to get comfortable with them in any way, shape, or form. Many of these names came from an era when talking about sex was frowned upon. It could be said that this is still true, but things are getting better and by learning the correct terms to use when it comes to your own anatomy, you are part of the solution, not part of the problem, so to speak.
More than the Sum of Four
Many women only think of sex in terms of our breasts, buttocks, and, of course, our vulvas as being the sexual part of our beings and that is something of a shame. As we will see in the next chapter, the biggest sexual organ we have is, in fact, our brain, but when we turn our mental thoughts into physical actions amazing things can happen and our entire bodies can become our very own playgrounds of pleasure.
So, let’s start by taking a look at our anatomy from top to bottom – so to speak! For the exercises I've included in this chapter you might find that a hand-held mirror will come in handy, so now would be the perfect time to find one.
Skin
Your skin is, in fact, the largest organ in your body and it contains at least five types of receptors that respond to both pain and touch. An average adult's skin spans 21 square feet, weighs nine pounds, and contains more than 11 miles of blood vessels. Your skin releases as much as three gallons of sweat a day in hot weather. There are a couple of areas that don't sweat and these are the beds of your nails, the margins of your lips, the tip of the penis (if you have one), and your eardrums. Who knew, right?
We tend to take the fact that we have skin as it's, well, just always been there. If you take a minute to look at your skin in a slightly different light you will realize what an important part it can play when it comes to both solo and partnered sex.
Exercise:
In blind people, the brain's visual cortex is rewired to respond to stimuli received via touch and hearing. This allows the blind person to actually ‘see’ the world through touch and sound. If you don't believe me, try this simple experiment and 'see' the world and your skin in a different light.
Begin by either turning the lights off or simply placing a blindfold over your eyes, making sure you really can't peek out. Now take some time exploring your own skin. Notice the touches you make. What do you see? By applying more or less pressure you can experiment with the results of one study that revealed that the Meissner corpuscles – touch receptors that are concentrated in the fingertips and palms, lips and tongue, nipples, penis and clitoris – respond to a pressure of just 20 milligrams, or the weight of a fly. Science is amazing, isn't it?
Hair
As silly as it might sound, your hair is an important part of your identity and though we rarely think of it as being sexy, nothing could be further from the truth. We tend to think of hair and sex in terms of partnered sex, but it doesn't have to be that way. Try this simple exercise to see what I mean:
Experiment:
Take a small clump of hair and run your fingers through it, over it, and even give it a gentle tug. Now do this with your eyes closed and see if the feelings it produces change. I'm willing to bet that it will. The chances are it became much more sexual when you closed your eyes than when they were open.
Ears
We rarely think of our ears in terms of sexuality, but the truth is your ears can be a huge part of your solo sex repertoire if only you would let them. Some women can get turned on simply by touching their own ears, but this is not true in all cases. However, it's worth trying, as they say – nothing ventured nothing gained – and the outcome might surprise you. Of course, the thing we generally use our ears for is to hear what is around us. The things that surround us can often be surprisingly sexual, if only we listen to them.
Exercise:
If you watch porn, start by finding your favorite scene. Now watch it without the sound. Now watch it again with the sound on and your eyes closed. Notice the differences between the experiences. You could also try investing in an audio erotic book and listen to it with your eyes shut (unless, of course, you happen to be driving at the time of listening.)
Lips
Our lips are packed with nerve ending that send many signals to our brains – some sexual and others not. It's not easy to kiss yourself, but it's not impossible, if you think about it. You can kiss your own hand – you can even kiss your own breasts if the mood so takes you. After all, it's your body and you are free to explore it any way you like.
Exercise:
Try simply running your tongue over your lips: slowly, now very slowly. Notice the way your body reacts as you do this. Does it turn you on or have no effect? Everyone has different reactions to everything and especially to the way you touch it.
Tongue
We are what we eat, as they say, and eating something can be a very sexy experience. Our tongues are packed with taste buds that allow us to feel and interrupt the sensations caused by sweetness, bitterness, saltiness,