All That Is Left Of Us. Catherine Miller
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seems really nice.’ Rebekah smiled, a rosiness to her cheeks giving a glow of pregnancy so convincing it would only be Dawn who knew the truth. It suited her. There was an excitement in Rebekah’s expression she’d not witnessed before. They were on the home straight. She was starting to believe this was really going to happen.
‘Make sure you get their phone numbers. You want to be able to connect with them after this course has finished and everyone has popped their buns out. It’s helpful to have friends in the same situation.’ It wasn’t easy to forget how isolating motherhood was in those early days. When getting out the flat was such a trial it was sometimes easier not to bother.
‘Hi, everyone. My name’s Brian and I’ll be taking today’s class on the bit you’re all worrying about: labour.’
Well, for anyone who wasn’t worried, they would be now. Thanks, Brian. Dawn was trying not to think about that part. It signified the end and yet the beginning. Also, there was the small inconvenience of a shedload of pain, only without the euphoria at the end of it to cancel it out. She was hoping the birth would be quick. Considering her labour with Archie had been less than twelve hours, she was sure this one would pop out like a cork, but she had left it ten years between labours. A speedy delivery would be a suitable reward for having carried Rebekah and David’s baby. She was wishing for that and a bloody good night’s sleep afterwards. And the day after that. And that.
When Brian started to get contraptions out to demonstrate how forceps and ventouse worked, Dawn’s squeamish nature turned away from the talk.
Caitlin’s stare pierced through her. She was looking right at her and yet beyond her at the same time. It was freaky.
Dawn turned her attention back to the talk, knowing there was nowhere to hide. Was it possible Caitlin knew more about what had happened than she thought? She couldn’t. That was impossible.
‘Time for a tea break,’ Brian said. ‘I can see you’re all glazing over and this is a late night out for you mummies-to-be.’
‘Wow. That was a lot of information,’ Rebekah said, her cheeks flushed with enthusiasm. Either that or the foam suit might be a bit much to wear for an entire hot spring evening. ‘Do you still think you’re going to go for a natural birth?’
Dawn chanced a glance in Caitlin’s direction. The odd gaze in her expression was gone and she was now chatting to the man she was here with. Dawn was imagining things. She concentrated on Rebekah and her question like she should be doing. ‘If everything goes to plan.’ She was hoping it would all be natural. She’d managed it with Archie.
‘Do you think it will go to plan?’ Rebekah said.
This was one of those eggshell moments. The ones she tried to avoid for the sake of Rebekah and David. They’d had so much heartache already, they needed to have a happy ending this time. She needed to give that to them. ‘We’re in the best hands the NHS can provide. Of course it will. And if it doesn’t, we’ll have all the help we need to get Junior out.’ If she ended up needing a C-section, she didn’t care. All that mattered was that the baby came out safely.
‘I’m going to go and get that lady’s phone number like you suggested.’ Rebekah stood with more ease than Dawn would be able to muster after sitting for the best part of an hour. ‘See you in a minute.’
Dawn’s inability to move at any speed left her vulnerable. She didn’t want to be a sitting duck for conversations she didn’t want to have. Summoning the ability to get out of the chair, she went to go and collect leaflets she didn’t really want or need in an effort to occupy herself. It didn’t stop what she was trying to avoid from happening though.
Caitlin caught her arm to grab her attention. ‘We should get together once we’ve had our little ones. It’ll be like the old days although under very different circumstances.’
‘Erm…’ was all Dawn managed to squeeze out in way of protest. She wasn’t having a baby. She might be pregnant, but Junior wasn’t hers.
‘Here’s my card.’ Caitlin dished one out to her even though she hadn’t managed a full response.
Dawn took it. ‘That would be nice.’ She said it like she meant it, because, in truth, there was a part of her that missed her old friend. She’d not wanted to walk away from their friendship in the way she’d had to. If they did meet up she could explain about the surrogacy then, to save blowing Rebekah’s cover now. And maybe she would tell her about Archie.
‘Holy Mother of God. There was no way that was Braxton-Hicks,’ Caitlin said in a burst, grabbing the arm of the man she was with. ‘Fuck. You’ve done this before. How do you know when it’s actually started?’
Dawn hesitated in her answer. It would be a pretty cheap trick if it was a way of getting her to confess about the past, but there was no point in keeping it a secret if she already knew. ‘You know. And if you’re not sure, your body will let you know soon enough. So do you think you’re in labour?’
‘Yes, I knew it was more than backache, Karl,’ Caitlin chastised the man she was gripping tightly. From their wedding bands, Dawn guessed it must be her husband.
‘Maybe you should talk to Brian? He’ll be able to advise you.’ As there was a qualified midwife in the room, he seemed like the sensible person to turn to.
‘Get him over here,’ Caitlin yelped to her husband.
Karl, pale and silent, did exactly as Caitlin told him to. As Brian arrived, there was a pop followed by a gush. The shiny puddle that formed was the clearest confirmation they were going to get. Only the fluid from Caitlin’s waters wasn’t as clear as it should be.
Owerdale Primary School was in the most picturesque setting possible. Owerdale itself was on the east edge of the New Forest with a steady and settled population that was bolstered by tourists during the sunnier months.
The school was part of the hub of Owerdale town, but it backed on to nothing more than the forest and required cattle grids to stop the New Forest ponies from trying to attend classes.
Having lived in Owerdale all her life, Dawn had attended the school herself as a youngster and it was fair to say not much had changed. Often it felt like she hadn’t either.
But the teaching assistant job she’d managed to get there was a blessing. It was perfect at a time when she needed to fit everything in with being Archie’s mum. He required more than the average parent would have to provide, which was why she never planned to have another. That was until it was someone else’s. Being the bearer of a baby rather than the owner didn’t seem too bad a prospect, especially when it meant helping David and Rebekah, the people who meant most to her.
Although, underneath that veneer of wanting to help, she also knew this might be the only chance she ever got to get out of this rut she was in. The school might be set in some of the best scenery possible, but that didn’t stop Dawn from wanting a change. To try and at long last start to make an income from her passion. Her artistic skills were getting a little lost on display boards no one was paying any attention to.
The staffroom Dawn was waiting in could have done with a display board or two. Empty, it was a cavernous cave of eerie calm. Dawn was so used to being here only at lunch times when it was bustling, the space seemed at odds with itself now it was just her.
‘Sorry, sorry, sorry,’ Jane said as she entered. Always apologising that one, even when she didn’t need to.
‘It’s okay. I didn’t mind waiting even if it is creepy in here when everyone else is in class.’
‘Yeah, looks kind of messy as well.’ The L-shaped staffroom was a sadly neglected space.
Dawn wasn’t going to miss it. The people, yes. Maybe even some of the pupils themselves, but not the place. And as it was only temporary, she’d be back