All That Is Left Of Us. Catherine Miller
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his gaze back to the pavement and continued his march towards the road.
Jane kept parallel with him, hoping, as Dawn was, that he’d have the good sense to stop as soon as he reached the kerb. When he didn’t, Jane used the very-likely-a-cushion gift to act as a stopping mechanism. Its presence thankfully stopped him in his tracks.
No easy task when it came to dealing with a ten-year-old so blinkered in his actions he wasn’t able to recognise the dangers around him. It concerned Dawn that his awareness of the world hadn’t developed any more than when he was a toddler. She was lucky to have Jane who was so good with him and knew not to cross certain boundaries.
‘I want to count.’
‘We’ll carry on counting across the road,’ Jane said.
Archie’s fists were balls of frustration. The changes in his routine were already proving to be problematic. Thank goodness Dawn would only be out of action for a few weeks and not have another child in tow permanently. She was pretty certain Archie would have a really hard time adjusting to not being her only priority.
‘I want to count,’ Archie twitched, not able to keep his annoyance inside.
Dawn caught up, feeling slightly out of breath. Her lung capacity was definitely being impeded by her tight bump.
‘Count until you’re calm again,’ Dawn instructed Archie, knowing it would take him a minute or two to wind down.
They stood there for a bit like lemons until Archie was ready to concentrate on the task of crossing the road. If this was how Archie was reacting at the point she was still here, she wasn’t sure how it would be when she wasn’t. But she would find out soon enough as Jane had also offered to take him on his weekly trip to the zoo on Saturday. There was nothing like going in at the deep end when it came to testing the water.
By the time the weekend arrived, Dawn was a little sad to have her first free Saturday in eons taken up with a task that wasn’t hers. Still, it didn’t seem quite so bad all the time she was lying on a comfy John Lewis bed, pretending to test it out.
During the brief respite, she did what she’d been avoiding and texted Caitlin. She didn’t really want to. It was a life she’d left behind. But it was their shared history that was making Dawn care. Distant as those memories were, she couldn’t forget the friendship they’d had and what it had led to.
It was those thoughts that gave her enough courage. It was a quick enquiry as regards the baby’s health and hers.
‘Should we get one of those nests, do you think? You know. The type that sits next to the bed. Or will a Moses basket be okay to start off with?’ Rebekah got comfy next to Dawn. ‘Are you okay? Is this getting a bit much?’
What? The one hundred and fifty-eight questions you’ve asked me since we came out? Nah, course not. The private thought amused Dawn, but it wasn’t one she’d say out loud. Even if her patience was wearing thin, she knew David and Rebekah only wanted to get things right and it was only because they were so worried that they’d waited until this late in the pregnancy to purchase their entire baby shopping list. ‘The walking’s just getting a bit much and it’s tired me out. If you two don’t mind, I think I might go and have a drink and get the weight off my feet.’
David, his colouring the same as Dawn’s, wheeled their full trolley over. ‘Don’t tell me you two are having a snooze. We’ve still got half the list to go.’
‘Dawn needs a rest. As would you if you were a few weeks off giving birth. Time to go for a coffee.’ Rebekah got up to link her arm round David’s waist.
‘But what am I going to do with this lot?’ David said, clearly distressed at the thought of having to abandon his trolley and start again.
‘Don’t stop on my account. You two carry on and I’ll give you a ring when I’ve recovered and can come meet you again.’ Dawn was hoping for some respite as well as rest. And the chance to eat something that wasn’t nutritionally balanced. She wasn’t sure she would be able to chomp into a chocolate muffin with the same vigour if prying eyes were judging the diet she was feeding their child. Not that they would judge like that; it was just sometimes the pressure of growing someone else’s kid made her worry more than she had with her own pregnancy.
‘If you’re sure?’ Rebekah said, giving Dawn the look of concern she received with every ache or pain she mentioned.
‘Absolutely. In fact, I’ll just go to the restaurant upstairs. Hardly any walking involved that way and when you’ve finished your list you can come and join me.’
The lift was just a short stroll away and Dawn offered the couple a wave as she got in, knowing they were waiting to check she was okay.
It was beginning to feel a tad claustrophobic. Not in the lift, the lift was fine, but the responsibility of these final days. The three of them had lost the easy rapport that existed between them with the pressure this pregnancy had brought.
Dawn was hoping to spend this next couple of weeks blubbing at Jeremy Kyle episodes (because her hormones were ensuring she cried at the silliest of things) and doing a few things around the flat with Archie not about. This was going to be the first time since she’d started working at the school that she’d been off, but not because she was sick, so she could justify fixing the curtain pole and spring cleaning all of Archie’s toys without him realising she’d moved them.
So far, she’d got nothing done other than helping Rebekah and David prepare for Junior. It wasn’t that she minded, but there was a point at which she needed to be able to walk away. Her responsibilities towards this child had to end, so being involved with the process of selecting every item required for their early months wasn’t helping her situation.
Decaf tea and a slice of lemon drizzle cake with her feet up helped ease her worries marginally. This might not be her son or daughter, but it was her niece or nephew. She was only providing the level of advice she would if it were Rebekah carrying the baby to full-term. It was just the hormones making her concerns swish about like the cocktail she was craving.
Dawn’s phone rang from inside her handbag. No doubt another question. What brand of steriliser should they go for, or perhaps a pushchair was throwing them into a dilemma over whether they owned the right car?
It wasn’t a number Dawn recognised and, for a moment, she panicked about Jane having issues with Archie. ‘Hello?’
‘Hi, is that Dawn? It’s Caitlin.’
Of course it was Caitlin. How come Dawn’s scatty, hormone-filled brain hadn’t recognised the number she’d tapped into the phone less than an hour before? Perhaps for some reason it was because she’d only expected a text in response and now here they were talking to each other. ‘Hi. I just wanted to find out how you are?’ Despite wanting to brush this reunion under the carpet, she wanted to know what had happened after the drama at their antenatal class.
‘We’re fine. Thank you for asking. I’m so glad you got in touch. Have you popped yet?’
‘No, not yet. So, did everything go okay?’ Dawn forked a piece of lemon cake into her mouth, too hungry to wait.
‘Yes, they ended up doing a C-section after Buddy started showing signs of distress, but once he was out everything was fine.’
Dawn heard Caitlin yawn down the phone. ‘Tiring start, then?’ No doubt that was the understatement of the week.
‘You’ll be in the same situation soon. These sleepless nights mean you won’t be able to put together a coherent sentence for a while, let alone anything else.’
‘I know.’ She didn’t want to talk about Archie or Junior or anything else. She only wanted to know if Caitlin was okay.
‘That’s why we need to get together and have a catch-up. I thought we could get