To Have And To Hold. Myrna Mackenzie
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God. But he wouldn’t be telling Lily that.
“Do you think you’ll ever get married again?”
That was a first. He looked at his daughter. She stared straight ahead, but Noah wasn’t fooled. She looked just a little afraid. And Lily never looked afraid.
Married? How could he explain his feelings to his daughter? Noah was pretty sure the younger kids would welcome a new mother into their life. And he … he truly wanted someone to share them with. He longed for a wife and a friend and a lover and all that corny stuff he knew made up a healthy marriage. He wanted what his parents had … years of trust and love. But it was a big deal, expecting a woman to take on four children. And he had no intention of bringing someone temporary into their lives. Noah didn’t want temporary. If he got involved again, he wanted permanence. He wanted … forever. He wanted promises that wouldn’t be broken. For the kids’ sake.
And mine.
His train-wreck marriage lingered like a bad taste he couldn’t get out of his mouth.
Is that why I didn’t kiss her back … when all I wanted to do was haul her into my arms?
The truth rocked Noah. He’d spent thirty-six hours wondering what kind of fool didn’t kiss a beautiful, desirable, passionate woman back when she’d made it so clear she wanted to be kissed. But he knew why. It wound up his spine. It filled his lungs. Fear. Fear that he’d want more. Oh, not sex … because he was pretty sure kissing Callie would quickly lead to making love to Callie. He wanted more of her. The more of her Noah suspected she wouldn’t want to give. To him. To anyone. He didn’t want to feel her, taste her and then have the door slammed in his face. He didn’t want to be rejected … left.
And she’d left before, hadn’t she? She’d moved across an ocean to change her life—to get away. From what, he didn’t know. What if she wanted to change it back? Noah wasn’t going to put his kids or himself through the risk of being wreckage in her wake.
It was best that he hadn’t kissed her back. Best that he stopped thinking about kissing her at all.
“So, would you?”
Lily again. Noah got his thoughts back on track. Marriage. Right. “Maybe one day.”
She scowled and harrumphed. “Do we have any say in it?” she asked, using the collective, but Noah sensed she was asking about herself. “I mean, if you’re going to shack up with someone, shouldn’t we at least be able to have an opinion about it?”
“Marriage is a little more than shacking up, Lily.”
She shrugged, looked straight ahead and remained quiet for about twenty seconds. Lily had something on her mind. “Did you know that fifty percent of all second marriages fail?”
He almost choked. Where the hell did she come up with this stuff? “That’s an interesting statistic, Lily. Where did you get it?”
“Social Studies,” she replied. “We’re studying human relationships this semester. There’s a boy in my grade who’s had two stepfathers—can you imagine? And Maddy told me that when her stepdad moved out last year it really sucked. She liked him a lot.”
Noah got his daughter’s point, delivered with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. “I have no intention of jumping into anything, Lily,” he told her.
“But if you do get married again, how do you know she won’t run out like my mother did?”
I don’t.
And Callie … she seemed as fragile and unpredictable as the wind.
Lily didn’t say anything else, and when they arrived at Sandhills Farm she jumped out of the truck. It took him about ten seconds to find Callie. She stood near the house, in jeans and a flame-red T-shirt, one hand on her hip and the other held a cell phone to her ear.
She spun on her heels and looked at him. His heart pounded behind his ribs. That kiss … how did he forget about it? How could he not want to feel that again? Noah took a long breath and headed toward her. Lily reached her first and jumped around on impatient toes while Callie continued her telephone conversation.
She was frowning and clearly not happy with the caller. When she disconnected a few moments later he pushed aside his lingering thoughts about kissing her and immediately asked what was wrong.
“Just another irresponsible horse owner getting away with neglect,” she said hotly.
He frowned. “What?”
“I volunteer with an organization that saves abused and neglected horses,” she explained. “A couple of weeks ago I got word that there are three horses somewhere on the other side of town that are stuck in a bare paddock and need veterinary care. We’ve only had sketchy reports on their whereabouts so far. The owner moves them around to avoid impoundment.”
“That’s terrible. What can you do?” Lily asked in a shrill voice.
“Seize them, hopefully.”
His ever-astute daughter picked up on the obvious. “Isn’t that stealing?”
“Not when the owners are breaking animal protection laws.”
Lily nodded. “If you need any help, I’ll—”
“Leave it to the experts,” Noah said. “I’m sure Callie has it under control.”
“Your dad’s right,” Callie assured Lily. “But you can help me nurse them back to health when we finally find them. Joe’s saddled Samson for you,” she said as she pointed toward the sand arena.
Once Lily headed off, Callie turned to face him. Her eyes were blue and luminous. “I have a list,” she said quickly. She pulled a small piece of paper from her pocket and held it toward him. “Of things for you to do.” She made a dismissive gesture. “Of course, if you’ve changed your mind I’ll—”
“We had a deal,” he said, sensing she was mentally backing out from talking to him as fast as she could. She half shrugged and took a breath, trying to look causal, but Noah wasn’t fooled. The tiny pulse at the base of her throat beat like a wild thing. And the promises he’d made to himself only minutes before vanished. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss her Fiona greeted. “Good to see properly.
“It’s only small stuff,” she said. “A couple of windows that won’t lock right and the back fence—”
“No problem,” he said quietly and took the list.
“I’ll be about an hour with Lily,” she said and pivoted on her heels.
Noah watched her walk into the arena, back rigid, arms held tight to her side. He lingered for a few minutes and observed Callie’s interaction with his daughter. Lily looked unusually cheerful and he knew she was excited to finally be in the saddle. The lesson started with Callie laying down a firm set of rules and Lily agreeing to every single one.
Lily respected Callie. Somehow, Callie understood what Lily needed.
Noah experienced a strange pang in his chest, dismissed it and headed for his truck to unload the toolbox. He had a lot of work to do.
* * *
Callie was wound like a spring. She’d barely slept the night before and had struggled to concentrate during a lesson earlier that morning with Maddy Spears, her newest student.
She knew she had to concentrate on Lily … and ignore the fact that Noah was only a couple of hundred meters away.
I kissed him. And he didn’t exactly kiss me back.
She wasn’t sure whether she should feel relieved or insulted.
“How’s this?” Lily asked Callie, interrupting her reverie.
Callie focused her attention on the teenager. She was impressed