The Collected Works of Anton Chekhov. Anton Chekhov
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Home. Something extraordinary has happened to his wife again.
TUZENBACH. [Goes to SOLENI with a cognac-flask in his hands] You go on sitting by yourself, thinking of something — goodness knows what. Come and let’s make peace. Let’s have some cognac. [They drink] I expect I’ll have to play the piano all night, some rubbish most likely… well, so be it!
SOLENI. Why make peace? I haven’t quarrelled with you.
TUZENBACH. You always make me feel as if something has taken place between us. You’ve a strange character, you must admit.
SOLENI. [Declaims] “I am strange, but who is not? Don’t be angry, Aleko!”
TUZENBACH. And what has Aleko to do with it? [Pause.]
SOLENI. When I’m with one other man I behave just like everybody else, but in company I’m dull and shy and… talk all manner of rubbish. But I’m more honest and more honourable than very, very many people. And I can prove it.
TUZENBACH. I often get angry with you, you always fasten on to me in company, but I like you all the same. I’m going to drink my fill tonight, whatever happens. Drink, now!
SOLENI. Let’s drink. [They drink] I never had anything against you, Baron. But my character is like Lermontov’s [In a low voice] I even rather resemble Lermontov, they say…. [Takes a scent-bottle from his pocket, and scents his hands.]
TUZENBACH. I’ve sent in my resignation. Basta! I’ve been thinking about it for five years, and at last made up my mind. I shall work.
SOLENI. [Declaims] “Do not be angry, Aleko… forget, forget, thy dreams of yore….”
[While he is speaking ANDREY enters quietly with a book, and sits by the table.]
TUZENBACH. I shall work.
CHEBUTIKIN. [Going with IRINA into the dining-room] And the food was also real Caucasian onion soup, and, for a roast, some chehartma.
SOLENI. Cheremsha [Note: A variety of garlic.] isn’t meat at all, but a plant something like an onion.
CHEBUTIKIN. No, my angel. Chehartma isn’t onion, but roast mutton.
SOLENI. And I tell you, chehartma — is a sort of onion.
CHEBUTIKIN. And I tell you, chehartma — is mutton.
SOLENI. And I tell you, cheremsha — is a sort of onion.
CHEBUTIKIN. What’s the use of arguing! You’ve never been in the Caucasus, and never ate any chehartma.
SOLENI. I never ate it, because I hate it. It smells like garlic.
ANDREY. [Imploring] Please, please! I ask you!
TUZENBACH. When are the entertainers coming?
IRINA. They promised for about nine; that is, quite soon.
TUZENBACH. [Embraces ANDREY]
“Oh my house, my house, my new-built house.”
ANDREY. [Dances and sings] “Newly-built of maple-wood.”
CHEBUTIKIN. [Dances]
“Its walls are like a sieve!” [Laughter.]
TUZENBACH. [Kisses ANDREY] Hang it all, let’s drink. Andrey, old boy, let’s drink with you. And I’ll go with you, Andrey, to the University of Moscow.
SOLENI. Which one? There are two universities in Moscow.
ANDREY. There’s one university in Moscow.
SOLENI. Two, I tell you.
ANDREY. Don’t care if there are three. So much the better.
SOLENI. There are two universities in Moscow! [There are murmurs and “hushes”] There are two universities in Moscow, the old one and the new one. And if you don’t like to listen, if my words annoy you, then I need not speak. I can even go into another room…. [Exit.]
TUZENBACH. Bravo, bravo! [Laughs] Come on, now. I’m going to play. Funny man, Soleni…. [Goes to the piano and plays a waltz.]
MASHA. [Dancing solo] The Baron’s drunk, the Baron’s drunk, the Baron’s drunk!
[NATASHA comes in.]
NATASHA. [To CHEBUTIKIN] Ivan Romanovitch!
[Says something to CHEBUTIKIN, then goes out quietly; CHEBUTIKIN touches TUZENBACH on the shoulder and whispers something to him.]
IRINA. What is it?
CHEBUTIKIN. Time for us to go. Goodbye.
TUZENBACH. Goodnight. It’s time we went.
IRINA. But, really, the entertainers?
ANDREY. [In confusion] There won’t be any entertainers. You see, dear, Natasha says that Bobby isn’t quite well, and so…. In a word, I don’t care, and it’s absolutely all one to me.
IRINA. [Shrugging her shoulders] Bobby ill!
MASHA. What is she thinking of! Well, if they are sent home, I suppose they must go. [To IRINA] Bobby’s all right, it’s she herself…. Here! [Taps her forehead] Little bourgeoise!
[ANDREY goes to his room through the right-hand door, CHEBUTIKIN follows him. In the dining-room they are saying goodbye.]
FEDOTIK. What a shame! I was expecting to spend the evening here, but of course, if the little baby is ill… I’ll bring him some toys tomorrow.
RODE. [Loudly] I slept late after dinner to-day because I thought I was going to dance all night. It’s only nine o’clock now!
MASHA. Let’s go into the street, we can talk there. Then we can settle things.
(Goodbyes and good nights are heard. TUZENBACH’S merry laughter is heard. [All go out] ANFISA and the maid clear the table, and put out the lights. [The nurse sings] ANDREY, wearing an overcoat and a hat, and CHEBUTIKIN enter silently.)
CHEBUTIKIN. I never managed to get married because my life flashed by like lightning, and because I was madly in love with your mother, who was married.
ANDREY. One shouldn’t marry. One shouldn’t, because it’s dull.
CHEBUTIKIN. So there I am, in my loneliness. Say what you will, loneliness is a terrible thing, old fellow…. Though really… of course, it absolutely doesn’t matter!
ANDREY. Let’s be quicker.
CHEBUTIKIN. What are you in such a hurry for? We shall be in time.
ANDREY. I’m afraid my wife may stop me.
CHEBUTIKIN. Ah!
ANDREY. I shan’t play tonight, I shall only sit and look on. I don’t feel very well…. What am I to do for my asthma, Ivan Romanovitch?
CHEBUTIKIN. Don’t ask me! I don’t remember, old fellow, I don’t know.
ANDREY. Let’s go through the kitchen. [They go out.]
[A bell rings, then a second time; voices and laughter are heard.]
IRINA. [Enters] What’s that?
ANFISA. [Whispers] The entertainers! [Bell.]
IRINA. Tell them there’s nobody at home, nurse. They must excuse us.
[ANFISA goes out. IRINA walks about the room deep in thought; she is excited. SOLENI enters.]
SOLENI. [In surprise] There’s nobody here…. Where are they all?
IRINA. They’ve gone home.
SOLENI. How strange. Are you here alone?
IRINA. Yes, alone. [A pause] Goodbye.
SOLENI. Just now I behaved tactlessly, with insufficient reserve. But you are not like all the others, you are noble and pure, you can see the truth…. You alone can understand me. I love you, deeply,