Emma Ever After: A feel-good romantic comedy with a hilarious modern re-telling of Jane Austen. Brigid Coady
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she led the way down the stairs, she knew she’d done the right thing having the party in the kitchen. The large Victorian house’s whole lower ground floor, not quite a basement, was a massive kitchen with a laundry room off to the side. It meant she didn’t have to go far to get drinks or ice. And having Gee push the big wooden table that was usually in the centre to one end gave them more space. She looked around the room. Max and his boyfriend were sprawled on the battered sofa talking to that girl, so and so, from the social media team. Various people were perched on its arms. Plus Gee had brought down some of the dining room chairs which were all occupied – people perched on stools whilst some stood around.
And now with all of the main players at the party, it was turning out how she wanted it.
Excellent.
‘Let me get you a drink,’ she said as she quickly steered Dan towards the corner where Jamie was perched on a stool. He couldn’t have chosen better, she thought. She could make sure they were tucked away together, almost secluded and then let nature take its course.
As long as it was the course that she had planned. No going off script.
‘Dan, you know Jamie from work, don’t you?’ Emma pushed Dan into the convenient seat next to Jamie. It was a pity the sofa was taken because the seat cushions sagged nicely in the middle and forced people closer together. But she had to work with what she had.
‘Hi Jamie,’ Dan said. Jamie blushed and wiggled his fingers.
Emma began to move away.
‘Where are you going?’ Dan said as he got back up.
No. This wasn’t the plan.
‘Just going to get you both drinks and put this away.’ She waved the gift bag at him while simultaneously pushing him back into the chair. ‘Don’t go anywhere.’
Emma wondered if she could say ‘sit, stay’ – Dan’s face was a bit like a well-bred dog’s, if only she could work out which breed.
She backed away with a flutter of her fingers, her other hand gripping on tightly to the gift bag. She kept her eyes on them for as long as possible before she turned and headed to the laundry room.
‘Smug much,’ Gee said from where he was surveying the crowd whilst leant against the wall next to the door.
‘I’m not sure what you mean.’ This was the problem with Gee, he never let her get away with anything. She hoped he wasn’t going to interfere with her plans. Why he got so wound up when she was only trying to help people, she couldn’t quite work out. Okay, so sometimes he’d been right and got her out of some sticky situations. She shuddered when she remembered a particularly embarrassing party just after they’d graduated. It wasn’t her fault that Mandy from her course and her boyfriend had misinterpreted what Emma had meant. When you’re drunk it was very easy to mix up menagerie and ménage a trois. She’d thought they’d been discussing a dream of opening an animal rescue centre while they… Thankfully Gee had intervened before their suggestion to “show Emma” had got too embarrassing.
‘You have that cat-that-got-the-cream smile that you only get when you’re conniving something…’ He raised his bottle of beer to his mouth, his eyes squinting as he watched her.
Okay maybe that is why he always knew… She needed to work out how to have a better poker face.
‘You looked exactly like that at the Phooke wedding,’ Gee continued as he lowered the bottle and then pointed it at her. ‘You’d better not be setting me up with that poor sap. I refuse to let you entangle me in one of your plans.’
‘Jamie is not a sap,’ she replied. Although he had a point, Jamie was a bit wet behind the ears. London hadn’t quite knocked the corners off him yet.
‘No, Ems. I mean it. Do not set him up with me,’ he growled.
What? Gee and Jamie? She could feel her face screw up in instant distaste. No. No.
‘No. So not what is happening,’ She said, shaking her head vigorously. She wasn’t sure why she was so adamant, but just no. She shuddered.
‘Good.’ He carried on drinking his beer. ‘I can find my own boyfriend, or girlfriend,’ he said after swallowing.
Damn, was he really dating someone, she thought? Maybe she should’ve said he could invite someone too.
There was the sound of tearing. She looked down to see that the glittery tissue paper looked limp and torn. Her hand having clenched too hard round the top of the gift bag.
No, that was fine, if he wanted to date. Gee being happy was part of her plan, of course. She wasn’t a horrible human being, she was a good friend. She thought back to her Google doc; in which part of her plan did he have someone else? She couldn’t remember. Was it before or after she had settled down?
She walked past him into the laundry room and stowed the battered bottle bag in one of the cabinets. Her fingers itched to grab her phone and check her plan.
No, this party wasn’t about her and Gee. She had plans both for her and for Jamie. Stalking past Gee, she grabbed two beers from the fridge and poured herself a glass of wine. Juggling them she went back to Jamie and Dan.
Damn it. While she’d been distracted by Gee, it seemed to have not gone well.
Jamie was picking the label off his empty beer bottle, every so often darting looks at Dan. While Dan seemed to be ignoring him and was watching her come back.
They weren’t talking. This wasn’t good.
Obviously, she thought, Jamie was too overawed by Dan. And Dan needed to see that underneath Jamie’s callow and unsophisticated exterior was someone that Dan could date.
She needed to get them talking to see how perfect they were for each other. Dragging up a stool, Emma sat beside them, crossed her ankles and took a drink of wine.
‘So, how are you two getting on?’ she said brightly. She kept her eyes wide and hoped that the smug look that Gee had mentioned was gone.
‘Great,’ Dan said turning his back on Jamie to focus on Emma.
Crap. That wasn’t what was supposed to happen. Change of tactics.
‘Hold on.’ She got up and manoeuvred the small stool she had been sitting on, so that she sat just in front of the two of them. She was going to have to treat this like a business meeting. Why couldn’t people do what she needed them to do? It was always easier if they followed her plans. Okay, so what did they have in common other than work? She had to find the one thing that linked them, and then this could be spun out into something stronger. Hmmm, they were both Feckless Rogue fans, weren’t they? She remembered Jamie mentioning it and of course, Dan had hung his access all areas pass from his monitor at work. The one from their last show at KOKO, where Phooke had allegedly started. Good, they could talk music, specifically the Rogues.
‘I hear that the Feckless Rogues’ new album is going a bit more electronic dance?’ She threw that comment like a grenade into the silence. No true Feckless Rogues fan could resist defending their idols against what they saw as the evils of EDM. And she knew it was a complete lie as Gee had been working on their music and she’d fallen over the band jamming in the kitchen too many times. But they didn’t need to know that, it wasn’t their business.
‘What?’ Jamie squawked, his eyes wide and affronted.
‘Emma, don’t be silly,’ Dan said almost immediately.
‘That is a total lie,’ they said in unison.
They looked over at each other and stared for a moment before bursting out laughing.
‘Cheers,’ Dan said as he leant over and clinked bottles with Jamie.
Jamie did look adorable, biting his lip and looking up through his lashes at Dan. Emma kept quiet as they discussed the pros and cons of the last album, arguing over which was their favourite