The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison
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have to be a nun, then.
8:00 p.m.
It’s no use, if I pull all my hair back like a nun, it makes my nose look huge. Still, I don’t suppose that matters when you are only saving poor people and making soup for them, like nuns do.
9:00 p.m.
The phone rang for me. I said to Mum, “Who is it?” and she said, “I don’t know, it’s a boy.”
9:30 p.m.
Robbie is going to meet me tomorrow after school at my house. He was in a phone box and said that he couldn’t really explain, he’d talk tomorrow. If he thinks he can “explain” this away he’s very much mistaken. I have got some pride. I’ve got a lot to say to him about his “explanation”!!!
9:45 p.m.
What shall I wear? Maybe I won’t go to school tomorrow to give myself time to get made up in a natural way.
Friday July 2nd
8:05 a.m.
Said goodbye to Mum and Libbs and went as normal to Jas’s. She was waiting for me on the corner. I said, “I’m not coming to school today, I’m meeting Robbie. Will you say that I have got the painters in very badly? Thanks.”
Then I went back home. I waited until Mum and Libbs left and then I slipped back into the house.
Day plan:
1. Steam face.
2. Apply face pack.
3. Sort out clothes to wear.
4. Tidy bedroom (well, put everything on the floor and then under the bed).
5. Put some interesting books near my bed (hide comics and boy mags).
6. Remove nuddy-pants poster of Reeves and Mortimer.
7. Make sure Libby has not peed or pooed in any secret corner.
11:00 a.m.
In my room tidying when I heard the front door open. If it was a burglar I only had Mum’s tweezers to defend myself with. Where was Angus when you needed him? I hadn’t seen the mad furry thing for hours.
11:02 a.m.
Not burglars, it’s something much worse... it’s Mum. And she’s not alone! She has Jem the decorator with her. Oh fabulous, my mum is having an affair with a builder. Also she is older than him – also I already have a dad, who is bad enough, but better the dad you know than the builder you don’t.
They went into the lounge so I crept downstairs to see if I could hear what was going on. I put my ear against the door but I couldn’t quite hear. I pressed my ear quite hard up against the keyhole. I heard Jem say, “This is the door that sticks. I’m going to—” and that’s when he opened the door and I crashed into the room.
Noon
In bed. I had to pretend that I had fainted. I lay still on the floor until Mum put something disgusting (smelling salts) under my nose. I thought my head was going to come off. I sort of pretended that I was all confused and that I had felt ill on the way to school.
Mum made me come to bed with an aspirin. Soon after, I heard the door slam. Mum came up. “Er – I just took an hour off to discuss the final details about the lounge with Jem.”
I said, “He’s taken about a hundred years to decorate one room. Libby thinks he is our new dad.”
Mum laughed. “Don’t be so silly, why would you think she thought that?”
I said, “Because she calls him ‘my new dad’.”
Mum ignored that and went on, “Well, I must get back to work, are you sure you will be all right?”
I said, “Oh yes, I’ll be all right – will YOU be all right?” (I said it really meaningfully but she didn’t know what I meant.)
Minutes later she came back in the room and said, “Georgia, I know that you like a bit of drama, but I’m afraid that Jem and I are not having a passionate affair.”
I said, “Oh, what is it then? A really lukewarm affair?”
She sat down on my bed. “It’s not any kind of affair. Look, love, I really, really miss your dad.” And it was horrible because her eyes were all leaky.
I said, “You can’t miss his moustache.”
She said, “No, I don’t miss that. But I love him. Don’t you?”
I said, “He’s all right.”
She kissed me. “I know you do love him, you’re just moody and someone has to suffer, but never mind, we’ll be seeing him soon.”
Then she left. God, I can’t stand this having to talk about grown-ups all the time! I do wish my dad was here, then I could forget all about him!
4:00 p.m.
Robbie will be here in half an hour. I’d better just go to the loo again. I’ve only been ten times in the last ten minutes. I hope I’m not incontinent, I’ll have to wear big nappies... Robbie will never stand for that – if he gets famous he won’t want a girlfriend who wears nappies.
6:30 p.m.
Robbie has just gone. I feel all hollow inside like a hollowed-out coconut. He looked gorgeous, all in black, and sort of sad. He gave me a brilliant smile when he saw me and then he just pulled me towards him (quite roughly, actually...). I remembered how cross I was though, so I only snogged him for half an hour before I said, “How could you tell Lindsay that I was sad and that I followed you outside and flung myself on you?”
He looked puzzled. “I didn’t say that.”
“Didn’t you?”
“No, I didn’t... I haven’t said anything to anyone.”
“Well, that’s what Lindsay said to me.”
He looked uncomfortable.
I went on, “And are you engaged to her or not?”
He looked really puzzled then. “Engaged to her? Why should you think that?”
“Well, because she wears an engagement ring at school that she tells people you gave her.”
He sat down. “This is bad.”
I tried to go on being cross but he looked so gorgey porgey that I couldn’t keep it up. Then he looked right into my eyes. I tried not to blink because not blinking is supposed to be attractive. He said, “Look Georgie, I’m having real trouble with this. The truth is, I’ve been trying to find a way to end it with Lindsay but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
I said, “Yes, it’s tricky, isn’t it? Because she obviously likes you a lot. Still, I’ve got an idea...”
He looked hopeful. “What is it?”
“I’ll tell her, in a nice way of course, that she is a wet weed and that she is dumped. That should do it.”
He did actually laugh! He said, “You’re mad. Anyway, it’s my problem and I’ll sort it out, but there is something else I have to tell you.”
Here it comes, I was thinking (but not blinking). He’s going to say, “You are the girl of my dreams, will you be my girlfriend? You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever—”
I’d just got to that bit in my head when he interrupted me. “I have to tell you, it wouldn’t be fair to you not to... but well, I am attracted to you (I tried not to smirk or smile too much in case he had second thoughts when he saw my nose spreading all over my face) but I can’t go out with you.”
I said, “Why not?”
And he said,