The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison
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Jas is playing nervously with her fringe. I looked at her. She stops.
I throw the ball up and bring my racquet down, putting a bit of top spin on it. Kirsty doesn’t even try to get it. ACE!!!!
Hawkeye announces through tight lips, “Game, set and match to Georgia Nicolson.” Yesss!!!!! Victory!!!!!!
I fall to my knees like McEnroe and the crowd is going mad. Full of euphoria I fling my racquet high up into the air.
It curves and falls down and hits Hawkeye right on the head. She is knocked off her umpire chair, unconscious.
In bed
8:00 p.m.
I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. Hawkeye was only unconscious for about a minute but I was made to forfeit the match. Kirsty played Lindsay. I couldn’t bear to watch – more to the point, I wasn’t allowed to watch – I had to go and tidy all the gym mats.
Lindsay won the cup.
I don’t know what this means karmically. I don’t think I believe in God any more.
11:00 p.m.
The only way I will believe in God is if something really bloody great happens to me soon.
Friday June 4th
The pyjama party sleepover
5:00 p.m.
Mum will not get going. Why is she so slow? Libby still has not got any knickers on. I offer to put them on her and Mum says, “Oh, would you, love? Thanks. I cannot find my eyebrow tweezers anywhere. You haven’t seen them, have you?”
(I remember they are in my pencil case.) “Er... no, but I think I saw Libby with them.”
“Damn, they could be anywhere.”
Libby decided that “knickers on” was a game and I chased her around for ages before I could get hold of her. Then when I was putting her knick-knacks on she was stroking my hair, going, “Prrr prr. Nice pussycat. Do you want some milk, tosser?” I think she thinks “tosser” is like a name.
Once I got her dressed I raced upstairs and got the tweezers, then I put them in Angus’s basket. (Fortunately he was out murdering birds or he would have eaten them.) Then I shouted to Mum, “Hey, Mum, guess where your tweezers are? Come and see!”
Mum came out of the bedroom and I pointed to the cat basket. She said, “Honestly!! Thanks, love. Right now, I think that’s everything. We can get off now, Libby.”
She grabbed Libby, who was struggling and licking her face. Libby said, “Bad, bad Mummy, stealing Libby.”
As they went through the door Mum said, “You’ll be OK, won’t you? I’ll be back late tomorrow – eat something sensible and don’t stay up too late.”
She went through the door and then came back a moment later. “Don’t even think about doing anything to your hair.”
6:00 p.m.
Rosie was the first to arrive. She said, “Sven is going to come at about eleven thirty, after his restaurant shift finishes.”
I said, “What have you got up to with him?”
She said, “Er... six and a bit of seven...”
We had this scoring system for kissing and so on, from one to ten:
1. holding hands
2. arm around
3. goodnight kiss
4. kiss lasting over three minutes without a breath
5. open mouth kissing
6. tongues
7. upper body fondling – outdoors
8. upper body fondling – indoors (in bed)
9. below waist activity
10. the full monty
I said, “What is he like at it?”
Rosie said, “He’s good, I think Danish boys are better at it than English ones. They change rhythm more.”
I said, “What do you mean?”
“You know English boys get really excited and just sort of kiss with the same pressure? Well, he varies the pressure: sometimes it’s gentle and sometimes hard and then middley.”
I said, “Oh, I like that.”
Rosie said, “I know, I do too. Apparently all girls do. We like variety whereas boys like the same.”
I said, “How do you know that?” and she looked a bit smug. “It’s in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”
Jools, Ellen, Jas, Patty, Sarah and Mabs all turned up and we got out our jimjams. We watched Grease and kept stopping it and doing bits from it. I did “You’re The One That I Want” on the sofa.
Then, at about eleven o’clock, the phone rang. I answered and it was Tom wanting to speak to Jas. So Jas went off into the hall and shut the door so we couldn’t hear. When she came back her face was a bit pink. She sort of croaked, “He’s coming round with his mate Leo... ohmyGodohmyGod ohmyGod!”
11:30 p.m.
Eating toast and Pop-Tarts when Leo and Tom arrived. They brought their pyjamas too and put them on. What a good laugh. Then Sven turned up – I’d forgotten how big he is... Rosie and he disappeared off and the rest of us watched Grease again. This time the boys joined in. Tom is quite a laugh. I desperately tried not to mention Robbie.
1:00 a.m.
Still up and chatting about EVERYTHING!!!! Haven’t seen Rosie and Sven for hours. Surely they must have got past seven by now???
1:30 a.m.
Tom and Jas disappeared off and Leo and Ellen went off “to get some air”. Why they think there is no air in the lounge, I don’t know. The rest of us Normans (Norman no mates) decided to dare each other. It started off with taking your knickers off and putting them on your head, and so on, and then I dared Sarah to go and stand on the garden wall and drop her pyjama trousers and knickers.
She did.
2:00 a.m.
Patty and Mabs dared me to streak down to the bottom of the street. They said they would buy me a new lipstick if I did. The “couples” were still away so I thought I’d do it. We went outside (us Normans), all in our jimjams. It was a nice summer night, and there were no houselights on in the streets except for ours. So I took my jimjams off and ran like mad in my nuddy-pants down to the bottom of the street and back. It made us die laughing – the others couldn’t believe that I had done it!!!
We were all collapsed on the front doorstep when the “couples” came back. I hid behind the others whilst I scrambled into my pyjamas. Tom winked at me. “I should tell my brother what he’s missing.”
I went purple. “Don’t you dare, Tom. Promise, promise me you won’t!!”
Tom said, “Do you think that me and Jas should go out with each other again?”
I said, “Oh yes!! I think you are perfect for each other.”
And he said, “I’ve always liked you because you are so sincere.”
At about two thirty the lads went home and we cleared up the house. Please don’t let Tom tell Robbie about the nuddy-pants incident.
All us girls snuggled up under duvets in the front room, chatting about everything – boys, make-up... lesbians.
Rosie