The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison
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a go.”
Ellen sat up. “A go at what?”
Jas went a bit red (which is a lot red in anyone else’s language). “Well, have a go at, er, snogging a girl.”
We all sat up then and went “Erlacck!”
Rosie said, “Is that what they do, then – snog each other?” Jas (the lesbian spokesperson) said a bit smugly, “Of course they do. They have proper sexual wotsits.”
Rosie said, “How can they have proper sexual wotsits when they haven’t got... you know, any proper sexual wotsits.”
I interrupted, “Jas, how come you know so much about it, anyway?”
She went ludicrously red. Rosie had got all interested now. “But, I mean, what do they do when they haven’t got proper sexual wotsits?”
I said to Jas, “Go on, then, Miss Expert Knickers. What do they do in the privacy of their own lesbian love-nests?”
And Jas sort of mumbled something under her duvet. I said, “You don’t know, do you?” and she mumbled again, “Snnubbing.”
I repeated, “Snubbing. They do snubbing? They snub each other?”
Jas sat up and said, “No, rubbing.”
I said “Goodnight” really quickly and we all went to sleep.
Wednesday June 16th
6:00 p.m.
Got a note from Jackie today: We are knocking off school this afternoon and going down town to “get a few things”. We’ll tell you all about the plan at lunch.
I knew that “getting a few things” meant shoplifting in Jackiespeak. I tried to hide from her at lunchtime but she found me in the loos. I was reading my mag in one of the cubicles – I had my feet off the ground so you couldn’t see there was anyone there but she went into the next-door cubicle and looked over the top of the loo wall.
She said, “What are you doing?”
I didn’t look up, I just said, “I’m practising origami.”
She said, “Are you ready to go? We’ve got lists of what to get and where we will meet later.”
Suddenly I snapped. I really was sick to death of her and Alison, they didn’t make me laugh or anything, they just kept making me do things I didn’t want to do. I was sick of it. I found myself saying, “I’m not coming and I don’t think you should go either.”
Jackie was amazed. “Have you become a Christian? I haven’t seen your tambourine. Come on, get your coat and we’ll go over the back fields.”
I said, “No,” and came out of the cubicle. She followed me and came up close – she is quite big.
She said, “I think you had better.” Alison was just behind her.
Then this odd calm voice came out of me. I’d been watching Xena, Warrior Princess and for one stupid moment I thought I was her. I said, “Oh good, I didn’t realise I’d be able to try out my new martial arts skills so soon. If I break anything I apologise in advance. I’ve only practised on bricks before.”
Jackie looked a bit puzzled (who wouldn’t?) but she kept coming nearer and suddenly with a yell I grabbed her arm and twisted it right up her back. I don’t know how. But I was doing it for the little people everywhere (I don’t mean dwarfs – I just mean, you know, vulnerable people).
8:00 p.m.
Jas phoned. “Everyone is talking about you – it’s brilliant!!”
8:30 p.m.
I am cock of the walk. (I don’t know what the girl equivalent of “cock” is... surely it can’t be “vagina”. I am vagina of the walk doesn’t have the same ring to it, somehow...)
Midnight
Yesssss!!!!!
Saturday June 19th
9:00 a.m.
The Stiff Dylans are playing at The Market Place. Tom and Jas are going, and all the gang. Shall I?
11:30 a.m.
Mum is being ridiculous – she refuses to let me dye my hair blonde. I said, “Where would Marilyn Monroe have been if Mrs Monroe had said, ‘No, Marilyn, you’ll ruin your hair’?”
Mum said, “Don’t be ridiculous.”
But I went on, “And what about Caprice?... Do you suppose Mrs Caprice said—”
Mum threw her slipper at me. Oh great, now she has turned to violence. I may yet ring Esther Rantzen’s childline.
2:00 p.m.
Nngut naface-musk on, I cnt muv mi face.
2:30 p.m.
Blocked the sink with my egg-yolk mask.
4:00 p.m.
I’m going to start my make-up now.
4:30 p.m.
Double merde. I’ll have to start all over again, I’ve stuck the mascara brush in my eye. It’s all watery and red.
5:30 p.m.
Lying down with cucumber slices on my eyes to take down the swelling.
5:50 p.m.
Libby crept in and ate one of my cucumber slices. It gave me a terrible shock to see her face looming over me when I wasn’t expecting it.
6:00 p.m.
Ellen rang, we are meeting outside The Market Place at eight thirty.
Midnight
What an unbelievably BRILLIANT night. Double cool with knobs. Robbie KISSED me. The Sex God has landed. It was so mega.
The Stiff Dylans played some great music and Jas, Tom, Leo, Ellen and me worked out these funny dance routines. Lindsay was there, all po-faced. Robbie was great in the band. I felt a bit self-conscious about dancing at first but then I began to enjoy myself. I showed Tom and Jas a little routine I had made up in my bedroom – and then it was like in a film because everyone – loads of people – started copying it and joining in.
I was a bit out of breath at the end and hot, so when the band took a break I went outside the back door. There was this sort of patio area. As I was standing there Robbie came out... I felt really awkward and was going to go back in when he put his arm on mine and said, “Can I just speak to you for a minute, Georgia?”
I said, “Yes, fine...” He looked a bit embarrassed so I said, “Look, if it’s about Jas and Tom I’m sorry that you were angry with me... I think he’s really nice and Jas likes him a lot.”
Robbie said, “Well, I’m glad, but it’s not that. I’ve just been meaning to give you this.” Then he kissed me!!!! I went completely jelloid – it was like being part girl, part jellyfish. It was mega brilliant. Twenty out of ten type kissing. I got all that stuff you’re supposed to have – fireworks whooshing in your head, bands playing, sea crashing in and out... I don’t know how long it went on for, I was so faint.
Eventually he said, “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time, but I know it’s wrong.”
I could hardly speak, it came out all mad. “Ng ng –’s OK, not wrong, no wrong, ngng ng – I mean it’s, I, what I, you and, always, even when I ng.” He looked at me as if I was talking a foreign language. But I wasn’t, I was just talking rubbish.
Then one of the lads in the band came out and Robbie sort of leaped away from me like a leaping thing. Then he went back in, saying to me, “OK, so Georgia, will you pass that on to Tom? See you later.”
“See