The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison
Читать онлайн книгу.
argued with him. I even said, “I’m not really fourteen, I’m actually fifteen and a half, it’s just that I’m not very bright and they’ve kept me back a year.”
He laughed, but in a sad way. Then he gave me a last kiss sort of thing and went.
Midnight
Too young for him. Oh merde merde merde, double merde.
I wonder where Angus is? I could do with something to cuddle even if I did get a savage biting.
Monday July 5th
11:30 a.m.
Mucho excitemondo!!! Robbie has dumped Lindsay!!! Hurrah!!! She came into school with her eyes all swollen up like little boiled sweets. I passed her in the corridor and she said, “I hope you’re satisfied now, you horrid little girl.” Horrid little girl, that’s nice.
I could have said, “At least I don’t wear bits of rubber down my bra and a piece of string up my bottom.” But unfortunately I began to feel a bit sorry for her – after all, she would never get another boyfriend, whereas even if I had to wait a whole year I would one day be older and then I could get Robbie.
5:30 p.m.
I’m glum, though – a year seems a long, long time and what if he finds someone else before I get old enough?
6:30 p.m.
Still no sign of Angus. This is a bit unusual. He always comes back for his dindins.
7:00 p.m.
Looking round the street for Angus. I had a dead mouse and a chop to entice him.
7:15 p.m.
Just stumbled into Mark, snogging in his driveway with some girl... he’s always at it!! If it’s true that stimulation makes things bigger (breasts etc.), perhaps he had very tiny lips when he was born and he has just overstimulated them by snogging all the time.
9:30 p.m.
No Angus. I hoped he might be at home lurking behind the curtain ready to attack my legs, but he’s not.
11:00 p.m.
No phone calls, no Angus. Libby came into bed with me. “Where big pussy tosser?” she asked me. I almost cried. I really cuddled her but it made her too cross and she bit me on the chin.
Had a dream about Robbie. I had blonde hair in the dream.
Tuesday July 6th
7:30 p.m.
Eureka!!! I’ve got it!!! I know what my dream was trying to tell me. There is a way I can convince Robbie that I am more mature than my fourteen years... I have to dye a blonde streak in my hair. A blonde streak will add years to my appearance!!!
Still no sign of Angus. Mum said, “I don’t want to upset you, but you know that he stalks cars and attacks them – it may be that this time he’s had a bit of an accident.”
I can’t bear to think of this.
Midnight
I think of all the animals in the world and all the sad things that happen to them. Little chickens whose parents go for a day’s outing on the farmyard truck and never come back because they have gone to be on somebody’s table. And all the little sheep who see their mummies and daddies loaded into vans... oh I cannot stand this. I’m never going to eat meat again.
1:00 a.m.
They say vegetables feel pain. What about the little baby potatoes all snug underground with their brother and sister potatoes and then a big hand comes and uproots them and... slices them up. Oh God, now I can never eat chips again.
2:30 a.m.
What can I eat, then?
4:00 a.m.
If I starved myself to death I wonder if Robbie would think I was grown-up enough?
Wednesday July 7th
8:00 a.m.
I’m shattered this morning, and upset. I miss Angus. Even Mum does. Mrs Next Door doesn’t, though. When I asked her if she had seen him, she said, “No I haven’t. And I know he hasn’t been in my yard because nothing is dead or dug up and my dog is not a nervous wreck.” I hate her – I hope her husband gets stuck in his greenhouse and then she will know what I feel like. She will know what true pain is.
And suffering.
2:30 p.m.
Ink fight in RE, which generally cheers me up, but I couldn’t even flick properly I was so upset.
The gossip at school is that Lindsay is not eating and has got what’s it – anorexia. I don’t know how you would know, she’s so skinny anyway.
Nearly the summer hols, so it will be the last I see of this hell-hole for a bit.
Friday July 9th
8:50 p.m.
I really think Angus must have been run over or something. I miss him, we’ve been through a lot of stuff, me and him. Stupid furry freak. But I love him. It seems I am destined to lose everything I love.
Sunday July 11th
2:00 p.m.
Jas and I looked in all the streets around her house, just in case Angus had followed me one day and then lost his way. We were just by her place when Robbie pulled up in his mini. He looked a bit ruffled but I was too down in the dumps to think about it much. He said, “Have you found Angus?”
I said, “No, we’ve looked everywhere.”
Wednesday July 14th
3:30 p.m.
Every cloud has a bit of a silver lining. I was sitting against the school wall in the shade, just thinking. The others were all sprawled out in their knickers sunbathing by the tennis courts. The bit of wall I was leaning against was just near Elvis’s hut. I saw him put on his coat and get his shopping bag... what a wally he looked. He closed the hut door but he didn’t lock it and then he went off. I’d nothing else to do so I thought I’d go and sit in his hut for a while, see what it would be like to be a school caretaker.
There was nothing much in the hut – a chair and a table and a little fridge and some magazines he’s been reading. I sat down and flicked through them... and my jaw nearly dropped off. Because they were naughty magazines, if you know what I mean. Called Fiesta and Big Girls. One of them was called Down Your Way, and was all full of candid photos of readers and their wives in the privacy of their own bedrooms. Some of them were so fat!! I flicked through the pages to the centrefold. And the centrefold was ELVIS and MRS ELVIS!!!! In the NUDDY-PANTS!!!! I couldn’t believe it. Elvis in the nuddy-pants. Elvis was standing by the kettle in the nuddy-pants, pretending to make a cup of tea and Mrs Elvis was doing the washing-up in the nuddy-pants!!!
I took the mag with me and passed it around the whole class. We were laughing for the whole afternoon, someone only had to say, “Fancy a cup of tea, my dear?” and we’d be off again. Ooohhhhh, it made my stomach really hurt with laughing.
Elvis knows someone has got his mag but he can’t say anything. If I see him I just let my eyes drift down to his trousers...
Saturday July 17th
12:00 p.m.
Joy joy, double bubble joy. Hadihahahaha. Robbie has just phoned me. He has found Angus!! Robbie had been out searching for him and he heard all these dogs barking so he went to see what they were barking at. And it was Angus, tied up. Some people had found him, he had a bad paw so they had bandaged it up and tied him up until they found his owners. They had put up notices but I hadn’t seen them.
Robbie said the people were bloody glad to get rid of him as he had already eaten two doormats and a clothesline. They