The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison
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are lying.”
“Oh picky, picky, Jas.”
Jas’s house
5:00 p.m.
A nourishing meal to set us up for the evening: oven chips, mayonnaise and two fruit Pop-Tarts (for essential vitamin C). In Jas’s room we put on some groovy music and started getting ready. Jas had a bit of a moony attack when she looked at Tom’s photo by her bed. She started sighing and saying, “I just can’t seem to get in the mood to go out.”
I pointed at her with my mascara brush. “Jas, snap out of it, you know that Hunky would want you to go out. He phoned you up to tell you about it. He wouldn’t want you moping about: he wouldn’t want you to let your mates down by staying in. He wouldn’t want to come home and find out that your mate had stabbed you with a mascara brush.”
Jas was a bit huffy, but she got my nub. As she was putting her hair up she said, “What will you do with Dave the Laugh when you have got off with him?”
“How do you mean?”
I was stalling for time. I’d only really thought as far as getting my make-up on. The rest of it was a bit of a haze of a dream.
“Well, will you be…like his girlfriend then? Will you snog him?”
Luckily the phone rang. We both answered it. It was Rosie. She and Sven were calling from a phone box.
“We just rang to say we’ve made up this great new dance; it’s called ‘the phone box’.”
She played a radio down the phone and in the background I could hear a lot of grunting and shuffling and Sven going, “Oh jah, Oh jah, hit it, lads!” or something in Swedish or whatever it is he speaks. Gibberish, normally. Not English, anyway. Then there was a bit of what sounded like tap-dancing. Rosie came back on the phone all breathless. “Brilliant, eh? See you in the next world…don’t be late!” And she slammed the phone down.
9:15 p.m.
Left the house to catch the bus down town to the Crazy Coconut. I had so much make-up on I could hardly move my face, which is a plus really because it meant I wouldn’t be tempted to go for full-on smiling. I was a vision in black leather. Prayed to God Mutti didn’t go through her wardrobe before I could sneak things back in.
When the bus arrived and we got on I couldn’t believe it. The driver was Mobile Elvis!! Sadly he remembered us and said “Bonsoir”. And charged us full fare.
Crazy Coconut
9:30 p.m.
Rosie and Sven turned up. Sven was wearing silver flares. Good Lord. When he saw us he started twisting his hips, saying, “Jah, groovy. Let’s go, babies!!!!”
The whole queue was looking.
I said to Rosie, “Does Sven always have to be so Svenish?”
Then the van with The Stiff Dylans in it arrived. Robbie got out. Oh bum, all my glaciosity turned to jelliosity.
He saw us and said, “Hi.”
I went, “Nung.” (I don’t know what “nung” means, it just came out.)
The queue started to move and he sort of looked at me for what seemed ages, then he said, “Don’t get into any trouble.”
I was so mad. How dare he tell me not to get into any trouble? Now he had said that I was going to get into LOADS of trouble just to show him.
I’d show him how much maturiosity I had. At least I would if I managed to get in past the bouncers without them saying I was under age. I said quietly to Rosie and Jas and Sven, “Be really cool.”
That’s when Sven lifted me up under one of his huge Swedish type arms and shouted at the bouncers, “Gut evening, I have the bird in the hand and one in the bushes, thank you!” and strode in.
I don’t know whether they let us in because we looked mature or whether they were so amazed by Sven they didn’t notice us.
Anyway, Operation Elastic Band was underway.
11:00 p.m.
Us girls went to the loos and did some emergency make-up repair work. It was quite dark and sort of red lightish in the loos. I was just thinking we looked like groovy chicks around town when the Bummer Twins walked in. I say walked but they waddled. Jackie was wearing a dress that was SO tight. Not a wise choice for a girl who is not small in the bottom department. She is so common. They were both smoking fags (quelle surprise). Jackie said, “Oh look, they must be having a sort of creche here while the grown-ups are clubbing.”
She went off into the loo. I could hear her weeing. It sounded like a carthorse. Alison was looking down her nose at us. I’m surprised she could see anything past the huge spot that was on it. She looked like she’d got two noses.
The club was amazing. It had loads of flights of stairs all leading down to a big dance floor, and a stage at one end. You had to go down the stairs from the loos to get to the dance floor. I hoped that no one could see up my skirt because I couldn’t remember what knickers I had on. Jas would be all right with her biggest knickers known to humanity.
There were flashing lights and mirror balls and laser beams. The music was really loud and rocking. Rosie and Sven did their phone box dance. Sven was yelling “Whoop!” and “Hit it, lads!” They had loads of space to dance in because nobody wants to be flattened by a huge bloke in silver trousers.
Jas shouted in my earlug. “There’s a gang of Tom’s mates by the bar– can you see them? Over there. Dave the Laugh is probably one of them.”
Jools said, “Yeah, but which one? There’s ten of them to choose from.”
I said, “Is anyone laughing?”
Jools looked at me. “Why?”
“Well, if he’s called Dave the Laugh everyone will be laughing around him.”
We looked across at the lads who were mostly looking around the room. Then I had another thought. “But what if he is called Dave the Laugh because HE laughs all the time?”
We looked again; now they were all laughing.
Jas for once in her life went all decisive and sensible (it was a bit scary, actually). She said, “I recognise one of them, he’s called Rollo, he’s been round to Tom’s house. I could ask him who Dave the Laugh is.”
I said, “Yeah, OK, but be really cool, Jas. Just find out which one is Dave the Laugh so we can look at him. But don’t mention anything about anything.”
Jas said, “I am not a fool, you know.”
I didn’t know that, actually.
Jas went over to the lads and I could see her going chat, chat, nod, nod, nod, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, flickey fringe, flickey fringe…(Why does she do that? It is so annoying.)
I was acting really cool, doing a half-smile and sort of nodding along to the music. Sipping my drink, waving at people, even ones I didn’t know. Then Jas came back. She was all breathless. She POINTED really obviously at a dark-haired boy in black combats. “That’s him!”
Naturally he saw her pointing at him and he shrugged his shoulders like he was asking a question. Jas then turned to me and POINTED again…AT ME, and nodded like one of those nodding dogs.
I couldn’t believe it. It was unbelievable, that’s why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)
I said out of the corner of my mouth, “Jas, I’m going to kill you. What in the name of your huge knickers have you