The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison
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rates you’.”
I was going to kill her and then eat her.
Out of the corner of my mouth– because Dave the Laugh was still looking– I said, “Jas! You told him I FANCIED him? I cannot believe it.”
Jas said, “Well I think he’s quite cute. If I didn’t have Hunky I would…”
Just then SG walked by carrying his guitar. On his way to the stage to do the first set. He smiled as he passed. Even though in my heart I wanted to leap into his arms like a seal I ignored him. I looked through him as if he was just a floating guitar in midair.
Midnight
The Stiff Dylans were playing and I was dancing with Rosie and Sven and Jas. Jools and Ellen had gone off with some of Tom’s mates. They were all quite fit-looking boys, actually, but…there is only one Sex God on the planet. SG looked sooooo cool; it’s not fair that he is so good-looking. All the girls were looking at him and dancing in front of him. They had no style. Every time he came off stage there would be some girl talking to him. I tried not to look but I couldn’t help it. What if he got off with someone in front of me? How could I bear it? There was a moment when our eyes met and he smiled. Ooohh, Blimey O’Reilly’s trousers, he’d got everything…back, front, hair, teeth…I could feel my snogging muscles all puckering up but I thought NO! Think Elastic Band.
I made Jas go to the loos with me for a bit of a break from the tension. The Bummer Twins were still in there. I could hear them talking from one of the cubicles and a spiral of smoke coming under the loo door. Do they live in the lavatories? I said to Jas, “Perhaps the Bummer Twins have trouble in the poo-parlour department!!” and we both got the hysterical heebie-jeebies. I had to hit Jas on the back to stop her choking to death. And we had to reapply mascara twice.
On our way back to the dance floor Dave the laugh stopped me!! He said, “Hi.”
I said, “Oh hi.” (Brilliant.) And I half-smiled, remembering to keep my nose sucked in.
He said, “Are you Georgia?”
1:00 a.m.
Dave the Laugh is actually nice-looking in a sub SG way…and er…quite a good laugh.
2:00 a.m.
Dave the Laugh has been dancing with me a lot. He’s a cool dancer. He even did a bit of mad dancing with Sven. I don’t think he expected Sven to pick him up and kiss him on both cheeks, but he took it well. We all left the club together. I saw SG looking over at us as he cleared up his gear. There was some drippy blonde hanging about wanting his autograph or something (on yeah! Emphasis on the something). Time for a display of maturiosity and glaciosity. Dave the L said, “Georgia, are you walking to the night bus stop?”
I made sure that SG was looking then I laughed like a loon on loon tablets. “Hahahahaha, the night bus! You make me die, Dave, you’re such a laugh!!!!”
Dave looked a bit on the amazed side. He probably didn’t think the night bus was his biggest joke. Me and Jas and Dave walked along. When we got to the bus stop there was a bit of an awkward pause. Jas was standing really close by like a goosegog. How was my plan vis-a-vis getting Dave the L to go out with me going to happen if she just hung about like a goosegog? I kept raising my eyebrows at her but she said, “Have you got something in your eye? Let’s have a look.”
As Mrs Big but Stupid Knickers was prodding about at my eye Dave’s bus came. He gave me a peck on the cheek and said, “Well, this is my bus. It was a great night; maybe see you later.” He looked me in the eyes for a second, winked and then got on the bus.
As Mrs Loonyknickers Goosegoghead (Jas) and I walked home I was all confused.
“Does Dave the Laugh like me or not? He winked at me– what does that mean? SG definitely noticed us leaving, didn’t he? And he saw me really laughing at what Dave the Laugh was saying.”
Jas said, “That’s when I thought Dave the Laugh might have gone off you, because he said, ‘Are you catching the night bus?’ and you nearly split your tights in half laughing. Your face went all weird and your nose sort of spread all over your—”
“Jas.”
“What?”
“Shut up.”
“Well, I was just saying.”
“Well don’t.”
“Well I won’t, then.”
“Well don’t.”
“I won’t.”
“Well don’t.”
There was a bit of welcome silence for a bit then Jas said, “I won’t.”
She is so INCREDIBLY annoying.
3:00 a.m.
And she takes up loads of room in bed. I had to make a sort of barrier out of her cuddly toys to put down the middle of the bed. To keep her on her own side.
What does Dave the Laugh mean, “See you later”?
3:30 a.m.
Do I want to see him later even if he does mean “See you later”?
4:00 a.m.
If the Sex God was really jealous he would ring me up tomorrow and try to get me back.
Or maybe he is not fully extended elastic band-wise.
Thursday September 30th
3:00 p.m.
I fell asleep in German. Herr Kamyer is a very soothing teacher. I drifted off when he started telling some story about Gretchen and a dove in a dovecote. (Don’t even ask, as I have mentioned before, the Germans are a mystery to me since I learned about the Heimlich manoeuvre.)
4:30 p.m.
On the way home we practised our new grasp of the German language.
I said to Jas, “What is ‘a dove in a dovecote’ in the German type language?”
Jas said, “Er…‘ein Duff in ein Duffcot’, I think.”
“Ach gut…so…Jas…Du bist ein Duff in Duffcot nicht wahr?”
Jas said, “Nein, ich nicht ein Duff in Duffcot.”
I said, “Jah.”
Jas said, “You have just said I am a dove in a dovecote.”
“You are.”
“You’re bonkers.”
I think I might be hysterical.
4:45 p.m.
So tired when I got in that I thought I would just have a little snooze.
5:00 p.m.
“Ginger, ginger, me home!!!”
Oh Lord, it was my dearly beloved sister. I heard her clattering up the stairs. Then a bit of deep breathing, and bumping, “Here we are, Ginger.”
Then she and Angus got in bed with me. And they weren’t alone. There was scuba-diving Barbie and Charlie Horse. And something really cold and slimy.
I shot up in bed and looked down at her. “Libbs, what is that?”
She gave me her idea of a lovely smile, which in her case is terrifying. She scrunches