It’s Just a Date: A Guide to a Sane Dating Life. Greg Behrendt
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quit your job, bought a tent and camped out in front of his place. No, you didn’t blow it! You did exactly what you should have done, which is stick to your plans. You had already seen him three times that week. The fact that you never heard back makes me think that the sports writer just wanted to get you naked in a tent. Otherwise he would have gladly waited for the pleasure of your awesome company. Besides, how upset would you be had you disappointed your cousin, gone camping and then he never called again? Just keep doing what your doing, kiddo, because you’re batting a thousand.
What If He Has No Life?
Dear Greg,
Okay here’s a tough one. I’ve been seeing this very cool guy for a little over a month. He did everything right, in fact he is just that into me. Ha! He calls, he shows up when he says he’s going to, he’s affectionate, he’s interested in my work (I’m a barrister) and he likes my friends and family. So what’s the problem? I feel so bad even writing this, but he’s too available. I was so afraid he was going to be like so many guys I had dated before who weren’t interested in my life, but this is just the opposite. He’s almost too interested in my life, not only that but aside from his job (he’s a systems analyst) he doesn’t seem to have a life of his own. How do you tell someone to get a life? I don’t want to ruin this. How do I fix it?
Cerys
Cardiff, Wales
Dear He’s Just Too Into You
You just have to tell him the truth today because this is a relationship killer. Here’s how you do it: you tell him all the good things you just told me about him and that this relationship has real potential, but in order for it to go the distance he shouldn’t feel the need to devote so much time to you. Tell him that you’d love to do more things with his friends and family and that you also require a little alone time to recharge your battery. One of two things will happen: he will be excited at the possibility of bringing your two worlds together or you’ll find out for sure that he has no other life. If the latter is true then you will have to tell him that your requirements for a great relationship include both people having a full life and that he’s got to find other things in his life besides his job and you to bring him happiness. Hopefully he will understand. You may be doing him a giant favor but you have to be clear that this relationship will not work unless he does that. Sorry Hot Stuff, but it just won’t.
FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE
Where Can I Find A Life?
Dear Greg,
I heard you on the radio the other day talking about getting a life but you didn’t say exactly how one should do that. Here’s my problem. I moved recently for work and within a week I met the girl who would become my girlfriend. We spent all kinds of time together but now I can tell she’s getting kind of sick of me. I don’t want to be that guy who has no life. The problem is I don’t know anyone here except my boring office mates and most of my social life revolves around her. Help.
Burton
Roswell, GA
Dear This Boys Life,
Softball, guitar lessons, charity work—just do something. Look, moving is a big adjustment let alone adding a new relationship to the mix. So do some deep thinking. Get a piece of paper and write down all the things you have always wanted to try or do. Anything from starting a band to losing weight is an excuse to get you out the door and into the world. Plus don’t be afraid to spend some time alone. Trust me, as a married father of two, I read your letter with a spot of envy. I love my life like no other, but there are days when I’d eat a bee’s nest for a couple hours alone. Okay, that’s not entirely true, but you get my meaning.
THE CHICK THAT BLEW IT
Sienna and I worked for the same Internet marketing company for about two years but I only ever spent time around her at company functions, retreats, team-building events, etc. … Then I got promoted and ended up being in charge of her division. I thought, “Cool, now I’ll get to know her better.” So I asked her out and we went on a few dates that were great. I realized that I really liked her a lot and I wanted to see her all the time. I’d call her from business meetings and ask her to sneak out to meet me during work hours, but she wouldn’t. It was delicious torture. We’d meet up after work a couple times a week but that was it. Her sister and she do dinner together on Tuesdays, she has Pilates on Thursdays, does her laundry and housekeeping on Sunday and had just signed up for a pottery class Saturday morning. She was pretty scheduled out so that didn’t leave that much time for me. Finally a girl with a life of her own, how sexy is that? I was really getting into her and loved having to juggle my own schedule to match any openings she had. It made the time we did spend together really valuable. But then it’s like she flipped a switch and just ditched everything to hang out with me all the time. She even blew off her Tuesday dinners with her sister and was just always there. All the things that made her so interesting and almost unattainable were just gone. I tried to hang in there but when she stopped doing all those things she stopped being the girl I was so attracted to and became totally dependent on me to fill her time. It was too much pressure and I bailed after three weeks.
Enzo
Berkeley, CA
IT WORKED FOR ME!
I spent years being unfulfilled by my life, my job, my boyfriends and my friend-friends. I just couldn’t get everything in sync to a place where it all felt good instead of just okay. So now I’m here. I love my job and get great satisfaction from doing it well. I’ve narrowed down my friends to just the ones where the friendship is effortless, secure and supportive. I have a dog who keeps me busy and well loved and have my little rituals that I do, be it bubble baths, crossword puzzles, Sunday matinees with the girls or riding my bike to work once a week that make me feel pretty happy on a daily basis. Things felt better than good because I liked my life. So when Mitchell and I started dating I was really reluctant to give any of it up because I had worked so hard to find the perfect balance in my life. It was the first time ever that I wasn’t trying to escape from my life into a relationship. But Mitchell not only didn’t want me to give up my life, he liked that about me and even had his own that he didn’t want to give up. What a concept! Because we both had lives that we liked we didn’t just rush into spending all our time together and have really built our relationship slowly. The time we spend together is time we’re dying to spend together because we have so much to tell each other and have had time (even if it’s just been a day) to miss each other. It’s the best-feeling relationship I’ve ever had and it’s because my boyfriend is part of my life, not my life.
Gerilyn
Edmonton, Canada
FIRST PERSON SINGLE by Amiira
I like being alone, in fact I love it, so when I was single it was a great luxury for me to get to design my life around the basic parameters of work, friendships and spare time. Though