Introduction The Rules Phenomenon

      Seven years ago, when we set out to write The Rules, we knew that we had an important message to share. We believed in The Rules. We had seen them work time and time again in our own lives, in our close circle of girlfriends and an ever-widening circle of friends and acquaintances, as well as co-workers and relatives.

      When our phones began ringing off the hook with dating questions and (eventually) success stories, we knew we had to write The Rules in book form to make it available to all women.

      Lo and behold, The Rules became not just a best-selling book, but a phenomenon, revolutionizing dating practices around the world.

      In fact, The Rules became so popular that it achieved a kind of pop culture status. It was spoofed on Saturday Night Live (‘Get the ring!’), used as the plot for several TV sitcoms and also inspired a number of parody books including Breaking the Rules (‘Stare straight at men and talk incessantly’) and Rules for Cats (‘Don’t accept a trip to the vet after Wednesday’).

      Suddenly, The Rules was everywhere! A financial publication ran an article on the rules for investing (‘Don’t buy on Friday if your broker calls after Wednesday’) and a political columnist wrote that one presidential candidate might have won the election if he had just tried to be a ‘creature unlike any other’.

      Why all the fuss? Why all the interest in The Rules when there are dozens of other dating books on the market? Why has The Rules become such a phenomenon?

      The answer is simple: The Rules work! Unlike other dating books that are therapeutic and theoretical – that sound good, that give warm n fuzzy, meaningless and misleading advice such as be your self, don’t play games, tell a man how you feel, but don’t work in real life – The Rules tells the truth about dating and helps you get Mr Right!

      The Rules take the analysis and angst out of dating. It’s simple. If he calls you, he likes you. If he doesn’t, Next! What does be yourself mean if that’s calling a man three times a day or staying on the phone for three hours? Why would anyone want to read a dating book that didn’t help you get the man you want to marry you?

      Many people ask how we wrote a best-seller. To be honest, we were not trying to. We wrote The Rules to help women date with self-esteem and get married. Period.

      While we are naturally thrilled by the success of the book, what’s been even more rewarding is seeing how women of all ages and all walks of life use The Rules to love themselves and marry Mr Right. After three decades of haphazard dating – Dutch treat, sex on the first date and living together – these women are delighted that such a dating book exists.

      ‘I wish I had known about The Rules ten years ago,’ is the most frequent comment we hear.

      ‘The Rules should be given out to all women at birth,’ wrote another Rules fan.

      The book hit a chord not only with single women in their twenties, thirties and forties, but with mothers and grandmothers. ‘She won’t listen to me, maybe she’ll listen to you,’ wrote one mum. Another mum told us she gave the book to her daughter and her daughter’s friends.

      While many readers thanked us for the general guidelines provided in The Rules, just as many wrote and called asking for more specific answers to dating situations and problems – for example, rules for long-distance relationships, rules for getting back an ex-boyfriend, rules for dating a celebrity, rules for dating a co-worker, rules for turning a male friend into a boyfriend, rules for dating services and on-line dating, among many other topics.

      So in 1997 we wrote The Rules II to answer all these questions – and to clarify any confusion you might have about rules in the first book, such as, ‘How will he know the real me if I do The Rules?’ and ‘Can I ever call a man?’

      Of course, as popular as The Rules have become, it has also been the subject of controversy – mostly by the media and the authors of other dating books, not by women who simply want advice about men. They just want to get married!

      The Rules have been criticized for being old-fashioned and antifeminist, and for encouraging women to play games and get married at any cost (‘get the ring’). We would like to examine these criticisms one by one and explain why they are unfounded.

      Old fashioned? Not really. While The Rules may sound like something your mother may have told you about, times and circumstances have completely changed. Women today need The Rules – not because pursuing men is morally wrong or scandalous, or for any of the reasons your mother may have told you. No, The Rules tell us not to pursue men for one simple reason. It doesn’t work.

      Fifty years ago, women didn’t call men or live with men before marriage because it was considered socially unacceptable. Fifty years ago, they didn’t even need to think about ‘ending the date first’. Their fathers ended it for them by requiring them to be home at a certain time, much like their great-grandfathers put an end to dates by holding up a shotgun on the front porch!

      In addition, back then, women often had to get married in order