The Complete Book of Rules: Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right. Ellen Fein
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finding a husband, then you must change your definition of gratification. Gratification is a man calling you, pursuing you and asking you to marry him. Gratification is not a hot fudge sundae or a hot date where you break The Rules!
Self-improvement will help you catch and keep a man. So try to change bad habits like slovenliness if you expect to live with a man. Men like women who are neat and clean. They also make better mothers of their children – the kind who don’t lose their kids at the beach.
Now a word about clothes. If you walk around in any old clothes on the theory that what counts is only what’s inside, not your outside, think again! Men like women who wear fashionable, sexy clothes in bright colours. Why not please them?
If you don’t know a lot about clothes, read fashion magazines like Cosmopolitan and Vogue and books on the subject; consult a friend whose taste you admire; or enlist the help of a personal shopper at a department store. Trying on clothes by yourself in a dressing room can be overwhelming and confusing – not to mention painful if you are out of shape – so it ‘s always good to get a second opinion. Why not a professional one? Personal shoppers can help you find clothes that look good on you and that hide your flaws, as opposed to clothes that are perhaps trendy but not flattering.
Always remember when you are shopping that you are unique, a creature unlike any other, a woman. Don ‘t aspire to the unisex look. Buy feminine-looking clothes to wear on the weekends as well as during the workweek. Remember that you’re dressing for men, not other women, so always strive to look feminine.
While it’s good to keep up with the times, don’t be a fashion slave. Don’t spend a month’s salary, say, on bell bottoms and clogs just because they happen to be in vogue this year. First of all, they may not be around next season, and, more importantly, you may not look good in them! We know women who have gone overboard with one look – be it man-tailored suits or oversized crocheted sweaters – and ended up looking overdressed, trendy and not at all sexy. Be a smart shopper, not a runaway spender! Buy a few good classics and mix them with cheaper items.
Keep in mind that just because something is in vogue doesn’t mean that it will look good on you or appeal to men. Men don’t necessarily care for the ‘waif’ look or like it when women wear long granny dresses and combat boots, however popular the look may be. They like women in feminine clothes. Wear a short skirt (but not too short), if you have the legs for it.
Also, don’t feel that you have to wear designer clothes to attract men. Men don’t care whose label you’re wearing, just how your clothes look and fit on you. It’s better to buy a no-name brand that looks stunning and hides your hips that a designer outfit that doesn’t.
While you’re shopping in a department store, stop by a cosmetics counter and treat yourself to a makeover. We can all look better than we do. Many of us don’t realize our potential until we get a makeover, which, by the way, is often given for free with a minimal purchase. Pay attention to which colours are good for you and how the makeup artist applies them. Buy whatever he or she suggests that you can afford and go home and practise putting it on.
Don’t leave the house without wearing makeup. Put lipstick on even when you go jogging!
Do everything you possibly can to put your best face forward. If you have a bad nose, get a nose job; colour grey hair; grow your hair long. Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. It doesn’t matter what your hairdresser and friends think. You’re certainly not trying to attract them! Let’s face it, hairdressers are notorious for pushing exciting, short haircuts on their clients; trimming long hair is not fun for them. It doesn’t matter that short hair is easier to wash and dry or that your hair is very thin. The point is, we’re girls! We don’t want to look like boys.
It will be easier to feel like a creature unlike any other if you follow good grooming. Manicures, pedicures, periodic facials and massages should become part of your routine. And don’t forget to spray on an intoxicating perfume when you go out – just don’t overdo it.
Now that you look the part, you must act the part. Men like women. Don’t act like a man, even if you are head of your own company. Let him open the door. Be feminine. Don’t tell sarcastic jokes. Don’t be a loud, knee-slapping, hysterically funny girl. This is okay when you’re alone with your girlfriends. But when you’re with a man you like, be quiet and mysterious, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile. Don’t talk so much. Wear black sheer stockings and hike up your skirt to entice the opposite sex! You might feel offended by these suggestions and argue that this will suppress your intelligence or vivacious personality. You may feel that you won’t be able to be yourself, but men will love it!
In addition, don’t sound cynical or depressed and tell long-winded stories of all the people who have hurt you or let you down. Don’t make your prospective husband a saviour or therapist. On the contrary, act as if you were born happy. Don’t tell everything about yourself. Say thank you and please. Practise this ladylike behaviour with waiters, doormen and even cab drivers who take the long way to your destination. This will make it easier to be ladylike on dates.
If you never meet men accidentally, go to everything – dances, tennis parties (even if you don’t play tennis), Club Med. Just go, go, go – show up! Put a personal ad in a magazine, answer ads, ask people to set you up. Don’t shy away from singles events with the rationalization that ‘The men who go there aren’t my type.’ Remember, you are not trying to find large groups of men who are your type, just one! Don’t lose sight of this concept. It will keep you going on those bad days when you are convinced that true love is just never going to happen to you!
Last but not least, trust this process. You may not meet your husband immediately after you have got in shape, bought some terrific outfits and practised The Rules on three eligible men. It may not be your time. But it is our experience that if you continue to do The Rules at every opportunity and pray for patience, you will eventually meet and marry the man of your dreams.
Rule 1 Be a ‘Creature Unlike Any Other’
Being a creature unlike any other is a state of mind. You don’t have to be rich, beautiful or exceptionally smart to feel this way about yourself. And you don’t have to be born with this feeling either. It can be learned, practised and mastered, like all the other rules in this book.
Being a creature unlike any other is really an attitude, a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe. It’s the way you smile (you light up the room), pause in between sentences (you don’t babble on and on out of nervousness), listen (attentively), look (demurely, never stare), breathe (slowly), stand (straight) and walk (briskly, with your shoulders back).
It doesn’t matter if you’re not a beauty queen, that you never finished college or that you don’t keep up with current events. You will think you’re enough! You have more confidence than women with MBAs or money in the bank. You don’t grovel. You’re not desperate or anxious. You don’t date men who don’t want you. You trust in the abundance and goodness of the universe: if not him, someone better, you say. You don’t settle. You don’t chase anyone. You don’t use sex to make men love you. You believe in love and marriage. You’re not cynical. You don’t go to pieces when a relationship doesn’t work out. Instead, you get a manicure and go out on another date or to a singles dance. You’re an optimist. You brush away a tear so that it doesn’t smudge your makeup and you move on! Of course, that is not how you really feel. This is how you pretend you feel until it feels real. You act as if!
On a date, you never show that getting married is foremost on your mind. You’re cool. He may think you’ve turned down several marriage proposals. You sip – never slurp – your drink and let him find out all about you, instead of the other way around. Your answers are short, light and flirtatious. Your gestures are soft