Gathering Strength:. Peggy Kelsey
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Taliban lead outsiders to believe that all Afghans, or at least all Afghan men, hold similar views. In reality, many Afghan men want their wives and daughters to be educated and to participate in society. Much of the dogma espoused by those opposing these ideals is based on Pashtunwali, the traditional "code of honor" of the Pashtun people, and other very patriarchal traditions, rather than on the actual tenets of Islam. As with any religious text, there are liberal and conservative interpretations of what is written in the Quran.
The majority view in the West is that Islam subjugates women. However, the Afghan women I met stated the opposite: that Islam gives them their rights. Historically this is true, since Islam was the first monotheistic religion to give women property and inheritance rights. While their percentages of property and inheritance seem disproportionately small to modern Western eyes, those rights were given in the context of a traditional society where no one lived independently. Before Afghan society’s fabric was rent by war, both women and men had their own roles, rights, and responsibilities; everyone had a place.
The women in this chapter tell of their experiences with Islam and their beliefs about it. Rather than wishing they were not subject to Islam, they wish that all Afghans would practice it.
Several women in this chapter are introduced more fully in later chapters; others appear only here. Because most of their remarks are brief, I’ve omitted introductions except for Hajai Gulalai.
Hajai Gulalai
When I went on the hajj, we walked around the Ka’aba. God said that this is His house and we can come here to apologize and be forgiven.
Haji and Hajai are terms of respect for men and women, respectively, who make the hajj, a ritual-filled pilgrimage to Mecca required of every devout Muslim who can make the journey.
I met Hajai Gulalai in the middle class, former Soviet apartment complex of Macrorayan in Kabul. Overstuffed furniture filled the room where we talked. Prints of idealized natural scenes hung on the walls in ornate gilt frames. Even though we swept back the heavy curtains, the room remained dark.
Hajai Gulalai came from an educated family. Although they lived in the conservative town of Jalalabad and belonged to a prominent Pashtun tribe, her father made sure that all of his daughters were educated. Gulalai graduated from Jalalabad High School and taught the Pashtu language at Kabul’s Aisha Durrani High School for 20 years. She married, as a second wife, while she was a teacher. She stopped teaching when the civil war became too dangerous, and she and her family fled to Pakistan. She now lives with her husband, two sons, the older son’s wife, and their daughters, her granddaughters.
Peggy: What are your best memories from your youth?
Hajai Gulalai: The best memory of my life was going on the hajj. I went last year with my youngest son because my husband was sick at the time and I had to go with a maharam. On that trip, I kept comparing the Arab countries with Afghanistan and I felt like I was in heaven.
Peggy: Tell me about the hajj. What did you do and what was it like?
Hajai Gulalai: First, we put on the traditional white clothes and made seven trips around the Ka’aba seven times. Each seven times counts as one set and between the sets, we gave offerings or prayed. If someone is really old and can’t walk, one time counts as a whole set. If someone is young and strong, they can go around as many times as they please. We took a break in our hotel, and after 2 pm we walked around it more. The next day, we went to Mount Arafat and walked for seven or eight hours in the areas where our Prophet lived and experienced his miracles. The next day we went to the Ebo Stone4 and sacrificed a goat.
Peggy: Of all of your hajj experiences, what was the most important and meaningful?
Hajai Gulalai: This experience made me believe in God more. I’d read stories about the Prophet, but when I went there, the truth of God was given to my body and mind. I learned a lot about Islam and my faith became stronger. The historical places that we visited from Mohammed’s life gave me a real experience of Islam and a different view of my religion. The other best part was to feel forgiven and to forgive.
Peggy: What hope do you have for the future of your life and for Afghanistan?
Hajai Gulalai: I have a vision of peace and freedom for the future of Afghanistan. God should take the Taliban away from us. I want Afghanistan to develop in peace. It is especially hard for the parents who stayed in Afghanistan and whose children went abroad. Those children should come back so they can live together.
Peggy: What do you have to say to people in the West?
Hajai Gulalai: I’m very thankful for the United States and other countries that are helping Afghanistan. What hurts me the most is that sometimes people just walk in the streets of the provinces, and the foreign soldiers capture them, put them in prison, and hurt them. Foreigners should not inflict violence against Afghans because they cannot understand them. They cannot know who is bad and who is not.
Peggy: What is the most important part of Islam for you?
Rabia: For me, Islam is about serving humanity and helping people, because God says he can forgive anything you do to him. For example, if you pray to me instead of Him, He can forgive it, but if you do something to his creatures, He will not forgive you. If you hurt someone, God will not forgive you, but if you help someone, God appreciates it. That’s why I think I have to help people. In that way, God will be very satisfied with me. I have to serve my family, myself, my people, and the world.
Sahera Sharif: Islam is a social religion; it’s about how to build a good community. It is good, broad, and covers everything in our lives. Unfortunately, when there are rules that affect men and women equally, the men in our society only address the rules toward women.
Hajai Gulalai: Honesty and not lying. Not harassing or punishing anyone without good reason. Offering prayers five times a day, and keeping God in front of you all the time. I know that God is here and whatever I do, He will see all of it. The day is coming when we will die and will see God face-to-face.
Belgheis: I think it’s important to look for common ideas among all religions