The Art of Connection. Michael J. Gelb
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tank (called the First Earth Battalion, featured many years later in the book and movie The Men Who Stare at Goats) who were working on a new idea called “the net,” a system to allow people around the world to communicate electronically.
Five hundred years earlier, the great Italian polymath Leonardo da Vinci (1452–1519) predicted: “Men standing in opposite hemispheres will converse and deride each other and embrace each other, and understand each other’s language.” But even a genius like Leonardo might not have foreseen the pandemic of addiction to digital devices. Overdependence on technology is perverting our ability to develop human relationships and damaging our brains and our bodies.
At a recent CEO summit, Richard J. Davidson, professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, explained, “I think if we’re all honest about it, we all suffer from attention deficit disorder, and it’s in part attributable to the kind of exposure we have to digital devices.” Davidson added, “Device dependence is highly reinforcing, so it becomes like a drug. And in fact it co-opts the same brain systems that are indicated in addiction.” In other words, ADD (attention deficit disorder) is getting worse because of ADD (addiction to digital devices).
In addition to co-opting brain systems, addiction to digital devices causes significant debilitating effects on the body. “Text neck” and “iPosture” are some of the new terms to describe the damaging consequences of ADD. As one reporter asked in the lead to a story on this issue, “Is too much technology taking your body back to the Stone Age?” Jack Stern, a board-certified spine surgeon and author of Ending Back Pain: 5 Powerful Steps to Diagnose, Understand, and Treat Your Ailing Back, thinks that the answer is yes. Stern explains: “There’s a pandemic of orthopedic ailments — back pain, stiff necks, frozen shoulders — caused or exacerbated by the distortion of posture associated with the use of handheld devices. It’s worst among the younger generation. They’re exhibiting symptoms previously associated with advanced age.” In addition to orthopedic symptoms, overuse of technology also contributes to what Stern describes as a “growing sense of loneliness, alienation, and disconnection.”
Device-induced discoordination results in a gradual diminishing of individual stature. As your physical stature is compromised by habitually slumping over your phone or computer, the power of your presence declines. Your stature and presence have a powerful effect, for better or worse, on your ability to focus your attention, and your ability to focus attention is an essential aspect of your experience of connection, or rapport, with others. In Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, Daniel Goleman explains: “Rapport demands joint attention — mutual focus. Our need to make an effort to have such human moments has never been greater, given the ocean of distractions we navigate daily.”
The seven relationship-building skills we will explore will help you stay afloat, ride the waves, and adjust your course to the port you desire.
ZEN KOANS FOR THE INTERNET AGE
If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? If nobody likes your selfie, what is the value of the self? To see a man’s true face, look to the photos he hasn’t posted.
— Brandon Specktor, humorist
Look Up!
Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and author of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, reported from the World Economic Forum at Davos on a study by the global consulting firm McKinsey showing that more than 50 percent of people on Facebook have connections in other countries. Sandberg explained that these international connections are growing exponentially and wrote: “This matters. In a connected world, it’s easier to…identify with people from other cultures — to understand their lives, or see things from their point of view. Technology is driving real progress in the world — raising living standards, creating new jobs and even new industries. Connectivity provides education, better health, a greater understanding of civil rights all around the world.” She added, “And when people make friendships across borders, things get better for everyone.”
Our electronic interconnectivity creates the framework for global shared consciousness. The key is to be wired and digitally savvy without distorting your body and losing your soul. The way to do that is not just to “lean in,” but to look up!
How do we make the most of this amazing resource without succumbing to the detrimental aspects? Start with ART.
ART: Attention Restoration Therapy
Right now, I’m at work, using the internet. But in my mind, I’m already at home, using the internet.
— Tweeted by BRIDGER WINEGAR @Bridger_w
Jason Hirschhorn, a super savvy Gen Xer, is the CEO and curator of Redef, a creative online platform aiming to “live at the epicenter where the worlds of media, fashion, sports, music, and tech collide.” Jason asks, “Anyone know where I can find an iPad costume? I figure if I dress up like one, my nieces and nephew will look me in the eye…” Jason understands that attention is the fuel of connection. It’s a precious resource, and it’s being dispersed and depleted in an unprecedented way.
In The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains, Nicholas Carr warns that the effect of overuse of the internet on our brains is “even more disturbing” than he had suspected. He notes, “The Net seizes our attention only to scatter it!”
How can we restore our capacity for the refined attention that is the currency of connection? Here are a few simple, potentially life-changing ideas.
Celebrate a digital sunset. I love wine. I usually have a glass or two with dinner. But every now and then I take the night off. If I’m served wine at a party and it isn’t high quality (yes, I am a wine snob), I simply won’t drink it and will have water instead. I’m blessed with a constitution that isn’t prone to addiction when it comes to alcohol. It’s harder for me to resist checking my iPhone than it is to say no to a generic Merlot. So I’ve instituted a few policies to help keep my mind free, including regular breaks during my work day and my own version of what Brian Johnson, author and founder of A Philosopher’s Notes, describes as his “digital sunset.”
Brian explains: “I turn off the computer at dinnertime and return it to its not-gonna-see-you-till-tomorrow home, appreciate all that’s been done, look ahead to the next day, clean up my desk, and that’s it. Time to recover.” Brian adds: “My business operates online, so if I’m not careful, I could be consumed by it. Since I made the commitment to just shut it all off at the end of each workday, I have way more energy and I think with more clarity. Not to mention the improvement in my relationship with my wife and beautiful daughters.”
Be in nature, and let nature be in you. The internet presents an unprecedented opportunity for connectedness and learning and an unlimited potential for distraction and dissipation. In a typical week we are exposed to more stimuli than our grandparents received in a year. In that same week, we engage with more information than our great grandparents did in their entire lives.
You can counter the effects of the information onslaught by devoting time to be in nature. Eva Selhub, author of Your Brain on Nature, explains: “Twenty minutes of walking in the park is an effective antidote for the symptoms of technology addiction (as long as you don’t take your device along!). The research shows clearly that being in nature results in improvements in cognitive functioning, creativity, mood, and physical well-being.” Selhub adds: “If you can’t get to a park or other natural setting, then the next best thing is to practice a mind-body discipline like meditation, tai chi, or yoga. Like walking in nature, these disciplines all shift your nervous system from sympathetic to parasympathetic dominance, in other words from stress to relaxation.”
Focus on your passion and purpose. Leonardo da Vinci advised, “Fix your course to a star.” This