Counseling the Contemporary Woman. Suzanne Degges-White
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Thus, the bond between parents if supportive can lead to open communication and the transition to more of a peer type relationship (Kaniušonytė & Žukauskienė, 2018). It is often a struggle for parents to try to find a balance between protecting children and having them experience consequences of decisions to learn how to handle difficult situations. During emerging adulthood boundaries are tested and at times risk taking behaviors occur. For parents, this can provide the opportunity to engage in tough love, which can be difficult for emerging adults but can also serve as key transitional points as they move forward towards adulthood. These experiences help emerging adults to gain greater independence and understand the expectations for being an adult (Faw, Sonne, & Leustek, 2019).
Friendships
With the greater sense of self, young women are more aware of their values, likes, and preferences; therefore, they will choose their friends accordingly. Many earlier relationships from adolescent years may dissolve as women grow into their adult identities and responsibilities. Women also are more invested in choosing friends who fit their sense of self and who reflect the values and interests they have themselves (Degges-White & Borzumato-Gainey, 2011). Although romantic partners are taking up more space in young adult women’s lives, they also still value the emotional support and connections they have with their platonic friends. Literature suggests that young women utilize self-disclosure as a major factor for growth in emotional closeness. Emotional support (e.g., being there for each other) and participation in some shared activities tend to help growing intimacy in friendships as well (Radmacher & Azmitia, 2006). For those young women who are not in a romantic relationship, friendships or having a best friend is predictive of happiness. When in a romantic relationship, friendship importance in happiness might be less pronounced if at all (Demir, 2009).
Romantic Relationships
During emerging adulthood, individuals build romantic relationship skills that will help them improve the quality of later long-lasting relationship. The lessons learned when a relationship dissolves can be valuable as a person moves forward in life (Norona, Roberson, & Welsh, 2017). For emerging adults, intimate romantic relationships are important despite the fact that a growing number of people are choosing to stay single. For some there is a very real fear of being alone, which can result in involvement in negative romantic relationship. Singles in society today tend to be viewed in a negative fashion (Timmermans, Coenen, & Van den Bulck, 2019).
However, due to multiple sociocultural factors, emerging adult women tend to postpone marriage and pregnancy even though they enjoy a fully active sex life. Many women choose to pursue higher education and enter the workforce at a later age than in the past as well. These choices may contribute to emerging adults’ apparent delays in making formal commitments in their romantic relationships.
Although committed long-term relationships are common among emerging adults, the median age for first marriage is on the rise. In 2017, the median age was 27.4 for women and 29.5 for men; that’s almost three years older than twenty years ago (U.S. Census Bureau, 2018). Striking racial differences exist regarding age at first marriage; black or African American women tend to marry at age 32, American Indian and Alaskan natives at age 28.7, Asians at 27.6, and white and Hispanic or Latina women at a median age of 27.5. While the marriage rate has fallen, the rate of cohabitation has risen 29 percent in twenty years.
Not only do women today tend to stay single longer, they also have much more flexibility in terms of whom to date or marry, and how to date and when to marry. They also tend to embrace new ideas about romance and family, not necessarily conforming to the ideas of institutionalized traditional marriage. More than thirty years ago, Williams (1987) suggested that traditional marriage might be considered a vehicle for the oppression of women and that women were hindered from growing into their full potential within this institution. While women’s desire for full freedom and equality have not been fully met yet, there are many precursors that allow for much more liberation than previous generations achieved. Education allows women to enter the workforce in positions that were once reserved for men, birth-control technology helped with biological imperatives and allows women more control over their own bodies, and economic freedom liberates women from having to rely on another for basic needs. It was almost fifty years ago when O’Neil and O’Neil (1972) described the construct of the “open marriage.” This was described as a relationship of intimacy based on equal freedom and identity of both partners. The open marriage model includes the expectations that both partners will grow and change, that the partners will be different persons due to ongoing development, that each partner will accept responsibility for self and grant it to the other, that one partner cannot fill all needs of the other partner, and that children are not needed as proof of love for each other; their liking and loving will grow out of the mutual respect that the open relationship allows (Williams, 1987). These expectations resemble the values of personal growth, individual freedom, and flexibility. Such models encouraged new kinds of behavior in a committed relationship, and although some partners may feel the line should be drawn at a marriage that is open to extramarital relationships, the concept of a relationship that encourages egalitarian and individualistic values appeals to many contemporary individuals. While women’s entry into the workforce allows them to achieve significant occupational prestige, a stronger repertoire of socially valued competencies, and more economic independence, many still greatly value relationships and connectedness. They desire respect, trust, support, acceptance, emotional intimacy, loyalty, and security in their long-term romantic relationships and friendships as well.
Pursuing Commitment
Despite the fact that young women tend to commit to monogamous relationships or marriage much later nowadays, they still prioritize selection of a significant other during this phase of life. For many young women, this will be the most important choice they make. Mate selection is a complex process affected by a number of variables, including initial physical attraction, proximity, similarity, reciprocity, and complementarity (Lemme, 2006). Such factors may serve as various screens or filters through which young women select some individuals for continued consideration and eliminate others. Research continues to indicate that women place a higher priority on qualities other than physical attractiveness, such as socioeconomic status, ambition, character, and intelligence, while men primarily focus on physical attractiveness (Feingold, 1992; Lemme, 2006). Research shows that women tend to marry those similar to themselves in terms of age, physical attractiveness, personality traits, education, cognitive abilities, attitudes, and social class background. When a woman finds a potential partner who possesses desirable characteristics and shows evidence of reciprocal attraction, this potential mate may be perceived as presenting an opportunity for further self-expansion and self-enhancement through the psychological incorporation of the resources that he or she is bringing into a close relationship (Aron & Aron, 1986; Hartin 1990). In other words, we tend to fall in love with those who possess qualities we lack but who also complement us in some way and are relatively similar to us in values and background. Choosing a significant other may present itself as an exciting time; for others, it could be an anxiety-provoking process due to the challenges and risks inherent in relationship building. As with any transition, going from a single to a committed status requires compromises and adjustments that can be challenging for many women.
Transition to Committed Life and Family Life
Family relations can play a significant role in a woman’s life from birth to death. According to the family life cycle model (Carter & McGoldrick, 2015), young adults typically leave their nuclear family, enter into a committed relationship, then build a family-of-creation. Learning to share your life and home with a significant other is not always easy. While dating, there are seldom arguments about whose turn it is to take the trash out, do the dishes or laundry, shop for groceries, or feed the cats; these can pop up quickly in some marriages. Another common challenge for couples is the maintenance of friendships outside of marriage. Single friends may not want to hang out with a couple, or perhaps one partner does not like the other’s friends. Partners may be jealous of the time their spouse spends with friends or may simply dislike a partner’s friend. Negotiating where time is spent during significant holidays can also cause