Letters from a Better Me. Rachael Wolff
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really don’t like people anymore. I could once look at everyone with a neutral face. Back then, I didn’t have a problem with what politician people sided with. I could even see their prejudices with compassion, because those came from the way they were raised. Lately, however, my compassion is wavering. I never thought that would happen. How did I get here?
I have worked so hard not to be against another person or group. I’m not perfect, but it has been a very long time since one person’s character could trigger an internal rage so deep that it makes me want to step out and do something. I can’t stand the person I’m becoming. I feel angry all the time, and the smallest altercation makes me want to scream my head off.
The problem is that I know without a shadow of doubt that what I fight against, I make stronger. I’ve heard this message over and over, starting with the famous quote by Mother Teresa: “I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” I don’t know why some quotes stay with you for a lifetime, but that one has.
I never wanted to be against men, because I believe in the value of women. That is why what is happening now is really bothering me. I don’t want to be against the voters who see value in another human being. I know that even in the chaos there is value. Yet, I still find myself here. I feel more and more prejudices seeping in. I don’t want to live with so much anger inside me.
I don’t want to go in to work feeling like I’m viewed as less than for being a woman. I don’t want to judge men who have been recognized for their achievements. I don’t want to feel like I must be polite when I’ve been violated. I don’t want to feel the double standard of roles in relationships. I don’t want to be filled with this angry energy all the time. God, Divine, Universe, Angels, Buddha, Jesus, Allah, Source, and/or Great Spirit, whatever name I need to call you to make this pain go away, please save me! Please show me the way to make the changes I want to see instead of focusing all my energy on what I don’t want in my life. Please, heal the hate in my heart and show me a better way to live. Help me become a better me.
A Hopeful Me
What Do I Do Now?
What if there was a way for someone to guide you through the steps of becoming the best version of yourself? Okay, maybe it won’t be easy, but I’m here, right here in the trenches with you. Let’s really let the crud surface. It’s there anyway, buried deep inside, destroying your foundation. We can’t build a solid house if you aren’t willing to fix your foundation. If you keep trying to build with a foundation full of rage, anger, fear, and hate, you will keep triggering explosions and destroying your progress. Let’s work together to bring it up gently, and clean up your foundation so you can build something beautiful that will last. Here’s where we begin:
Deep breaths. Fully breathe in to the count of five and exhale to the count of five. Do this three times. Take a second; sit with the emotions that are stirring inside you. Remember to fully exhale when you feel something triggering you. Don’t hold your breath. This breathing practice gives us the space we need to open our minds to awareness of our own feelings, thoughts, and perspectives.
Drink a lot of water. You are cleansing a lot of toxic energy running through your body. If you drink a lot of water, it will help you stay physically and emotionally hydrated. This process can take a lot out of you. Think of it as cleaning your pathways. Visualize the water opening your heart as it runs through you.
Letter writing. Use the technique in this book to help you be honest and get out all your anger, fear, rage, frustration, gratitude, acceptance, and understanding of yourself and others.
•If you are judging other women, write about it!
•If you are bashing yourself, put it all on paper!
•If you are hating on men, scream it out!
•If you have underlying prejudices against others, preach it.
Get it out so you can see the darkness you’re carrying around. You don’t have to share these with anyone, but make sure you hold onto them for the duration of the book. The darkness lurking within is what you are projecting onto the world. The first step in healing it is seeing it. Take responsibility for what you are putting out there! Part I is about seeing what is going on inside honestly. Don’t sugar-coat it!
Watch how the letters transform throughout the book and become more powerful and feed the empowered woman you are. I found this to be one of my biggest transformation tools. Letter writing changed my life and my relationships. Writing things in this form is like writing up a contract and signing it. I am committed to become a better me.
Journal. Write about anything that stirs you up while you’re reading this book. It can be something in your daily life or in the book itself. Knowing what your triggers are is the first step toward taking back your power and becoming the empowered woman. If you don’t know your triggers, you aren’t in control of your feelings, thoughts, perspectives, actions, and reactions. Just keep writing. If a topic that makes you squirm isn’t in here, write about it yourself. Get it out, get ugly, and get dirty. Most of all—get real. Be conscious of what you are putting out there. Part I is not for you to read and go out and spew your pain to the world. Part I is about taking off your blinders, reflecting, and getting real with your pain. When you think about the feelings and thoughts you are projecting, ask yourself:
•Is that really what you want?
•Are you in a place of love or fear right now?
•What feelings are coming up as you sit quietly?
Book buddy. Book buddies help you stay committed to the process. Read the book together and do the exercises. If you choose the book-buddy route, be careful whom you choose. You want someone whose goals for personal and spiritual growth are similar to yours. You will fuel each other. Are you fueling the light inside your heart, or is one of you wanting to burn things down and create more darkness? One route will create more love in the world, and the other will create more hate. You have to feel comfortable to be completely vulnerable with the person or people you partner with. You want someone who is on the journey to bring out her empowered woman too.
For the remainder of the book, you will be given the option to go deeper with a variety of exercises. These exercises are designed to help you to go as deep as you are willing to go. The deeper you go, the greater your transformation. This is your journey! Think of it as creating a garden. You will need to get the soil ready, pick and choose the seeds you want to plant, pull weeds, and nurture your garden to reach its greatest potential. You will get back what you put into it. You get to decide how amazing you want your garden to be. First you have to prepare the foundation and clean up the toxic muck lying beneath the surface. Are you ready?
For women ready to see our unconsciousness…
Dear Self,
I don’t remember driving to the store today. When I was in the store, I couldn’t tell you how I ended up with the food I did. I don’t remember picking broccoli over asparagus. He doesn’t like broccoli. How did I do that? What is wrong with me? He is going to be so mad that I don’t have a vegetable he likes. He’s going to think I don’t care. Do I need to go back to the store? I don’t want to have another night like the last time I forgot to get mashed potatoes to have with our steaks. What if I just went to the liquor store and got him a bottle? Maybe he will notice my kind gesture, and the broccoli won’t be a big deal.
Holy shit! When did I eat lunch? I’m not hungry, so I must have. What did I even have? What was I doing? Oh, that’s when the kids’ school called and told me about what’s going on with the other kids at school. I’m so worried about my boy. He can’t handle