A Cure for All Diseases. Reginald Hill
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the fuck is Roote really up to here in Sandytown?
Never fear, one way or another, I’ll find out afore I go!
But all I want to do now is sleep.
So it’s goodnight from you, Mildred, and it’s goodnight from
| FROM: | [email protected] |
| TO: | [email protected] |
| SUBJECT: | Min of Information! |
Hi Cass!
Thanks for pic. He is truly gorgeous! I want one of my own. Does he have a brother? Nice smile. Whats he got to smile about – I wonder?!!
Back to dull old Sandytown! After lunch yesterday Tom excused himself – to catch up with all the stuff that had piled up in his absence – & Min – whos clearly decided to make me her own! – asked me if Id like to go swimming with her. I thought she was being kind – & meant the sea – & said yes please – but it turned out she meant the swimming pool at this 5 star hotel Tom told us about – the Brereton Manor. Seems the Parkers have membership of the Health & Leisure Club – natch – but the kids arent allowed in without a responsible adult – so Min the minx had elected me! Mary tried to rescue me – but I said – no problem – & off we went.
Minnie led me over the road – & through a gate – then across a golf course that looked to be in the final stages of construction.
– Should have been finished for Easter – Min told me proprietorially.
Serious money being spent here – I thought – confirmed when we reached Brereton Manor. Must have been a grand old house – now much modified & extended – all the eco friendly – carbon unfriendly – stuff theyve got at Kyoto – but tastefully blended in – the kind of detail that costs a fortune. Presumably the idea is youve been invited to a 1920s weekend house party – rather than asked to cough up a small fortune for b & b! Not many people around. Still bedding in. Official opening is not for a fortnight – Bank Holiday weekend – when Tom launches the Festival of Health – which I shant be around to enjoy – thank heaven!
This info again supplied Min!
She sailed in thru the front door like a grand duchess – & the receptionist greeted her with a big Hi Minnie! & gave me a smile too.
Everyone else we met en route to pool seemed to know Minnie. Swish pool – long way from Olympic – but big enough if you like that sort of thing. I did 10 or so lengths – very boring – specially as I had to stop from time to time to admire Minnies breast stroke – or back stroke – or diving. At 9 you need a lot of admiration! After – we sat in some very comfortable chairs in the café area – & had a coke – talked. Or rather – I listened! Didnt mind. I was getting interested in what made Sandytown tick – you know me – never happy till Ive got the inside of things outside! – & nothing that goes on round here seems to escape Mins sharp little eyes & ears! By the time shed done – I was thinking of her as my personal Min of Information!
The original house – as I knew – belonged to the well-heeled Breretons – the famous Lady Denhams family – but became superfluous to requirements when she married even better-heeled Hog Hollis – local lad made good – who built up his pig farm into Hollis’s Ham – the Taste of Yorkshire – & ended up master of just about everything he surveyed – Lord of the Sandytown Hundred – at Sandytown Hall.
He died – fattening the pigs who helped fatten him – (I had to practically kick Minnie onward from all the gory details – mostly imagined I guess – of the poor sods death!) – leaving his wife even richer than hed found her – & eventually she remarried – Sir Henry Denham – & Denham Park became her official address – though – probably not caring for the pig pong but reluctant to do anything that might interfere with her pig profits – she spent a great deal of her time at the Hall.
When Sir Harry in his turn died – (dont know what she does to the poor sods!) – she returned permanently to Sandytown Hall – refusing the chance to move back to her childhood home – Brereton Manor – when her ancient father finally died – because – according to Minnie – the Hall was a more prestigious address – & the Manor had certain inconveniences of access – & had fallen into such a dilapidated condition it would cost a fortune to put right.
– daddy owns nearly all the land all around – explained Minnie – where the new entrance drive is – & where theyre building the golf course. I think it was Uncle Sids idea that they should work together & turn the manor into a posh hotel. Uncle Sid knows all about money – which is why Lady D listens to him – mum says –
– thats nice – I said – so your uncle is a sort of financial adviser to the Consortium – right? –
– I think so – she said uncertainly. Then she grinned & went on – Uncle Sid says Lady Denhams tight as a ducks arse – & thats water tight – watching me closely to see how I reacted.
I just laughed – you cant be Stompy Heywoods daughter without hearing far worse expressions than that! – which emboldened her to say – me & Uncle Sid call her Lady B – not Lady D.
– B for Brereton? – I guessed.
– no – B for Big Bum – she screeched.
I was beginning to feel intrigued by this Sidney Parker – who chose to talk to his niece like she was an intelligent human being rather than a backward dwarf – which is how awful Uncle Ernie always spoke to me. Min was vague about his actual job – & even from Mary – hes in banking – was the best I could get – which reminded me of dads response when Mrs Duxberry boasted her moronic son was in banking – oh aye? – you mean – like Bonnie & Clyde? –
Trying to work out the Parker family dynamic – OK – I mean I was as nebby as usual! – I asked about the sister. According to Min – Aunt Diana is really wierd – always going on about being at deaths door – which used to scare Min when she was little – thinking she meant the attic door in their old family house – & that must be where death lived! It was her Uncle Sid set her mind at rest – by taking her up into the attic – & showing her the relics of his childhood – & also by saying – dont worry about your aunt little Min – when you yourself are finally laid to rest – aged 150 or thereabouts – it will be Auntie Di who lays flowers on your grave! –
Bit macabre comfort – I thought – but kids love macabre & in Minnies eyes Uncle Sid is perfection itself!
Not sure if Mary would go as far as that. Tom vanished after supper tonight – still catching up he said – & once the kids had all been put to bed – in Mins case by main force! – me & Mary had a large Baileys apiece – & got to talking like old mates. I reckon shes been dying for someone to confide in for years – someone outside the family – & outside Sandytown. Like I said before – shes incredibly loyal – but I got a strong impression she secretly fears this Development Scheme will end in tears.
Shed confirmed what Min had told me – that it was Sid who got things started.
Sids always been good with figures & stuff – from an early age hes handled the Parker family finances – very successfully too – Mary admits. Good investments – steady returns – spotting which Lady D got in on the act – asking his advice – free to a friend of course – & so profitable that Sid soon became her blue-eyed blue-chip boy!
Anyway – Sid came up with this idea that the combination of the Brereton property & the Parker land & Toms architectural know-how could add up to a nice little earner. At least thats the way I guess he put it to Lady D. With Tom Im sure he painted