A Cure for All Diseases. Reginald Hill
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the back seat of the jeep.
As I got in I realized someone had answered Toms knock at Witch Cottage – a stocky oriental looking woman – who was watching us – inscrutably – like an extra in a kung-fu movie. Tom – whod gone round to the other side to get in – didnt notice her – but Lady D did – & she called out – Good day to you – Miss Lee – I hope you – & your ancestors – are well – which I took to be some sort of Chinese greeting. For a moment the womans mask slipped – & she looked daggers (or maybe – in view of her profession – needles) – at her ladyship – then gave a stiff little bow – & went back into the cottage.
Im getting the feeling that – living in Sandytown – everyone is expected to know their place – which is – Lady D on top – the rest below!
Lady D was still saying she wouldnt come in – as she came in – & twenty minutes later was saying she definitely wouldnt stay for tea – as the first cup was poured. Nice technique – getting whatever you want without having to be grateful for it.
But on the whole – I was more amused than alienated by her on first meeting. Good-humoured – long as she got her own way – showed a lot of interest in dad & the farm – said shed heard that Heywood of Willingden knew a bull calf from a bale of hay – treated the kids in the old fashioned country way – gave them 50p apiece & then ignored them.
Soon her & Tom got to talking about plans & development & visitors & such. Big event next Sunday – to celebrate progress & say thanks to those concerned – is a party at Sandytown Hall – my ears pricked when I heard them refer to it as a hog-roast – remembering the nickname of Lady Ds 1st husband! – but seems it just means theyre going to barbecue a pig. I got bored – & concentrated my clinical gaze on Clara – & tried to draw her out.
It was like trying to take a bone off old Fang – except she didnt growl.
Quiet as a nun – contained – gave nothing away – maybe shes got social problems – serve her right for being so good-looking! At least when time came to go – she offered to help with washing up the tea things – but Lady D was on her feet – & would brook no waiting. Whatever auntie wants – auntie gets!
I helped Mary clear up. Tom headed off to his study to work on his computer – declaring that Lady D was like Sandytown itself – a breath of fresh air – bringing new life to old ideas. Me – noting her cool reaction to some of his less commercial concerns – Id have said more like a breath of CO2! But Toms enthusiasm is the kind that sees direct opposition as oblique encouragement!
Mary is much clearer-sighted. Over the washing up I asked about Clara – had she always lived with her aunt?
– oh no – said Mary – only for the last six months or so –
Didnt take much to get the whole story. Bit like a 19th century novel – in fact the whole place has that feel – slow paced & leisurely on the surface but all kinds of interesting plot stuff swirling around underneath!
Daphne Brereton – Lady D – wealthy by birth – & wealthier by her first marriage – is naturally the object of much interest – living – & even more – dead! The Great Philosophical Question occupying Sandytonians isnt the meaning of life – or even – can England ever win the World Cup again? – any world cup! – but – wholl inherit Lady Ds lolly?!
Mary has a nice narrative style – little overt malice – but she purses her lips when certain subjects come up – & you get the message as well as the facts!
Not much chance of the money going to charity – it seems. Lady D feels the poor of the world probably deserve it – except for poor old horses – whose reward for having their spines bent by big bums like hers during their prime should be an old age of comfort & freedom! Used to be a very keen hunter herself – kept half a dozen top class horses – her one extravagance – Mary says. Gave them up after Sir Harrys accident – only keeping one old boy – Ginger – for looking down at the peasants from as she hacks around the countryside!
So – OXFAM – eat your heart out! Daphs stated belief is – money should stay in the family – but which family? – is the question.
Hot favourites for a long time were the Denhams – specifically a nephew who inherited the title & Denham Park when Lady Ds husband – Sir Harry – died. Nothing else – because there wasnt anything else – & even the house was a poisoned chalice – entailed so he couldnt sell it – & it would cost a fortune to get back to what it once was.
Love apart – Sir Harrys plan had been to repair the family mansion – & his own fortunes – by a ‘good’ marriage – told you it was like a 19th century novel! – but hed popped his clogs before any of his brides fortune could find its way into the Denham account.
According to Mary – Lady D had been heard to say – in confidential mood – that though shed got nothing but her title from the Denham marriage – on the other hand shed given nothing for it! Some dame – eh? Perhaps it was her sense of having lost nothing – plus of course it must give her a nice power charge – that made her play along when the new baronet – Sir Edward – & his sister – Esther – started cosying up to her. Lady D loves having them dance attendance – drops them little tit-bits from time to time to keep them interested – took them on a skiing holiday last Christmas for instance. That made them think they were at the top of the inheritance list – so they must have got a nasty shock when shortly after they came back Lady D brought cousin Clara to live at the Hall! To compensate – maybe – she gave Sir Ed some kind of job in the Hollis pig empire – not his kind of thing at all – Mary implied – but hed had to take it – or risk losing his cosying-up access!
Seems first hubby – Hog Hollis – was built in the same mould – expecting relatives to put up with his bossy ways – & be grateful for whatever crumbs he dropped their way. Closest – in blood at least – was his half-brother – Harold – known as Hen – Hollis. Seems the pair never got on – & when they inherited Millstone – the family farm – rather than work together – Hog went with the pigs – & Hen with the poultry – hence their names – gerrit?!
Neck & neck at first – till Hen got hit hard by the salmonella scare way back. Needed cash badly – turned to Hog who was doing well – Hog offered a loan – but being echt Yorkshire – demanded Hens share of Millstone as security. When – despite the loan – the chicken business finally went bust – Hog gave Hen a job – in charge of quality control – in his pig business. But it was still family loyalty – Yorkshire style! Part of Hens salary came in the form of letting him continue to live at Millstone Farm – all of which now belonged to Hog!
Hog himself was now ensconced in Sandytown Hall – from which he wooed Daphne Brereton. They married – Hog continued to prosper – Hen & Lady D didnt get on – but both of them were used to not getting on with people so nothing strange there – then Hog died – & left nearly everything to his widow. His token acknowledgement of family ties was that he only left her Millstone in trust. The building & everything on the farm would revert to Hen – if he survived his sis-in-law.
Locally – says Mary – if you want to bet on Hen outliving Lady D you can get odds of 20 to 1! She enjoys vigorous good health – hes a hard drinker – & smoker – & ‘choleric’ – most of his choler being directed at his brothers relict – who is enjoying what he – & several other Hollises – thought should have come to the family.
Led by Hen – these disaffected Hollises raised objections to the will. Not all of them – some – like Alan Hollis who runs Lady Ds pub the Hope & Anchor – knew what side their bread was buttered on. The others got nowhere – Lady Ds smart London lawyer soon swatted off their flimsy legal objections. Lady D was ready to be patronizingly generous in victory – after all in their shoes shed have done exactly the same – but when she learned that Hen was trying a new tack – & circulating rumours that shed had a hand in her husbands death – she went bananas!
Daph