The World of Unicellular. This Book is a Medicine from Moronity. Oleg Seriy
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and Yeti, Heffalumps, mammoths too and other membersof “Red List” of that time. Sometime in September they stopped (the coal ended up). What to do? They let out the parrot, called one-eyed Jabberwocky, who flew back in few hours with twig of hemp. It flew back smiling, blinking with one eye and said: “There are Armenians, growing hemp”. Gnoah says: “What is the shit with you, bla-bla, fly again and take the wonga, bring everything!”. In short after few days they boarded near the mountain Ararat (it’s named in honor of the football club) and founded the city of Chubankan.
5. About Araman and bunko.
Jamgimen were just living and puffing. Their town Chubankan was really prospering, even the Olympiad was taking place there.
But Jamgick decided to check whether local authority, well-known by everybody as Araman (he is probably Armenian), would bunko him. Jamgick is coming to Araman and saying: “You think that you are the real jamgiman. I think so too, but I doubt this a little bit. In short, I decided to check… Shit… I needto think up something… OK… You and your son Ssuck won’t be smoking pot for one year. You can trade it, cultivate it but don’t dare to smoke it or in that case I will come and fuck up your business”. Araman doesn’t really have a predilection for pot, but his son does… In short, it was rather hard task. When Ssuck came home he saw that his father was in mourning.
– What happened, kingpin? Did footpads were bothering you? —Ssuck said.
– Oh no, sonny, Jamgick, damn it, was here. He tells that we are not able to smoke pot for whole year.
– Motherfucker! OK, father, if Jamgick has said. Are we louts? We are if we won’t listen to him. Do you understand that bunko is the rotten business?
– You are telling the real thing, sonny. Let it be.
So, they hadn’t been smoking for a whole year. And than Jamgick came to their house and have gave them pipe, so they smoked together selected Hawaiian pot. Araman became the real jamgiman since that time, because he didn’t disobey the Jamgick order.
6. On maturganchiks.
Chubankan became the capital of Jamgick National Republic. All people were prospering, but suddenly their lousy competitors showed up in the shape of malicious maturganchiks.
Maturganchiks (from the word matur (the Old Honduran language) i.e. a cock) are the inhabitants of Maturgan, a city in the east of the land (in short, to get there by taxi appeared to be rather expensive). Maturganchiks confessed tubanacockizm, that is a malicious religion based on the use of heavy drugs. In their aggressive activity, maturganchiks used nuclear, chemical and bacteriological weapons that completely contradicted the ideology of jamgihism.
Maturganchiks started their acts of aggression towards Jamgick Republic what entailed a long and bloody war which eventually resulted in Chubankan downfall. On that site, maturganchiks founded Abyrvalk City. Every single Jamgiman was sentto a concentration camp and was subjected to a policy of genocide. People were poisoned with gas, forced to use heroin, to smell glue. In short, there was a gang rule. As for Jamgick, at that time he left on business. In short, the Jamgimen were like dead meat. Besides, maturganchiks processed all the chronic and made synthetic pot of it. In short, there was a hunger in the country – there was no hmp, no pot, no freedom as well. Uprisings were under way. In Bumburistan, Abdulla Ben-Anasha-Ali excited a rebellion and formeda proletarian-potty republic. But contrary to the Geneva agreements, maturganchiks applied air-cushion chariots in combats and won a victory having bumped off Abdulla and his brothers in mind. Soon maturganchiks published the law “On Jamge” where jamgahism was completely forbidden, and they started propagating rotten tubanacockizm. In short, only Kutakpas City was free from maturganchiks where there lived the descendants of Araman. They became a stronghold of the resistance rising all over the republic. Liberation was not far off.
7. About the commander Moishe Rabinovich and all-time jamga.
A large army, headed by Moisha Rabinovich, was gathered in Kutaklas. Moisha was a brutal warlord. In short, he gathered an army and moved to Abyrvalk. They came to town, and metin a battle with the army of maturganchiki. Moishe used the secret plan, called “Polish off the assholes” and took the initiative in the battle. But then maturganchiki began to use cluster bombs, which spray during the explosion radioactive gas “Purgen”, which caused unprecedented at the time diarrhea for jamgimen. Maturganchiki squeezed jamgimen into the ring and began to take them off in full, but then Jamgick came back from the mission. He looked at this act and stunned. With a cry “our people are beaten” he threw all the celestial jamga to the battle, and his favour helped a lot to defeat maturganchiki, who were thrown away to their fucking historical homeland. Jamgick built a wall for them that prevented them from more attacks on jamgimen. And jamgimen went into mourning – all the land of their republic was deteriorated because of the gas “Purgen”, and there was no place to plant grass. Well, Jamgick says to Moishe: “In short, take your fucking people, go to the big mountain, then go right, then left and then straight, and then you will see a Giant valley by Lenin, where the river Chu flows. A lot of grass grows there and climate is good, you will live there”.
8. About path-guiding of Moisha Rabinovich.
In short, Jamgimen, in the head of Moisha, went to the Chujsky valley. Long and long they went there. The people started to ascent the fucking-up to Jamgick himself. By-turn Moisha persuaded jamgimen as he could, like: “All fine, in short, we’re almost there”. And so they went further. Generation of jamgimen has passed but there was no sight of the valley. They have exhausted all their stocks. At that moment Moisha decided to contact Jamgick himself. So was dip to the astral world (computer network of those days) and sent a letter to Jamgick: “People demand bread, grass and circuses. Something must be done”. And so Jamgick had sent Moisha a fax with holy conceptions of true jamgiman. Here is the full text of this letter:
“Jamgick is the main god, as he is a real dude. Those who say that Jamgick isn’t real is a hell of a deadman walking. Jamgick has a full name, that is Abdul-Jamja Valdemarovich Ibn-Chupakabra Singh-Zilberman. Jamgick created the Earth and all the inhabitant dudes. All the birds have to acknowledge Jamgick asa real guy. All the people, oder guys, oder dudes are named jamgimen. Every real jamgiman must live by the rules.
Rules:
1. Don’t polish off other guys.
2. Don’t pinch.
3. Don’t wax other dudes and chicks.
4. Don’t say that Jamgick is not a real man. Damn, Jamgick is a dudester.
5. Don’t come up with different glitch stuff, which would replace you pot and hemp.
6. Jamgick is a real man, he is the supreme dude and no other is higher above him.
7. So… there are seven days… got it? Jamgick says: “Real men work hard all week, and then at Saturday they sleep on their beds and smoke some pot”. People would ask: “What about Sunday?” – and Sunday is katzenjammer!
8. Jamgick says: “Every man has to respect his ancestors. Otherwise is fatality will be”.
9. Don’t feel your neighbor’s mouth, “cause jamga will come and fucking hara-kiri will be for you!
10. Jamgick doesn’t care about your moral and material appearance in this world.
Yours Sincerely, Jamgick”.
Then, in short, Moisha came to jamgimen with all that pot and got stoned. Most of the people got trashed with heroin and raised a monument to Matur, sovereign god of maturgans. “What the hell! In every hole and in the crotch crack I’m gonna pump you dry”, – said Moisha