But forces were unequal, and they have wanted to bring distemper in republic. Soon there were intense situation on the border of two states. Jamgick party of national liberation, named by Hashish, has sent fighting detached forces to the country borders. Then, the people’s volunteer corps was organized in republic, which was headed by Pupkin Mumbling, the football player of local team “Spartak” (Ahalay-Mahalay). Soon residents of Vaflogonia have decided that it will be too dangerousto war and have sent heavy tank artillery to the line of borders. Our folk were not armed with such thingamajigs, but we surpassed the enemy in number. In the morning of the fifth day Pupkin left to border with a red flag, on which “Fucking Vaflogonia” was written. In response, residents of Vaflogonia have sent the detached force “Golopas”, armed cap-á-pie. It was difficult for Pupkin to withdraw, and he accepted battle in jungle nearby. It looks like he might be faced bigger difficulties playing football (especially in matches with CSKA – there were more boundless fights in general, the list of victims exceeds some thousands among them —footballers, fans, cops and casual passers-by). Now he also has made an attempt to interrupt these birdbrains by turns. At first he has got the old revolver that was presented to him by his grandfather, who was the veteran of People’s Commissariat of Internal Affairs. Mumbling learned different barbarities from his grandpa, which he wanted to apply. Having used radio to call reinforcement, he took cover in the tree cave and began to shoot scuts, screaming “You won’t escape! Punishing eye of hell will rip out your heart. I appeal to your stinking bodies to leave this perishable earth, otherwise judgment of Great Lord will be inevitable. Fanatics, you’ve come to chasten us, but you goofed up. You’ve got no brain-box to put your thinking-cap on! Ha-ha-ha!” While Mumbling was talking that bull shit, thought out just on the spot, the reinforcement group “Good guys” rushed through the overgrowth of poppy. So long and full of fun that rushing was… Captivating odor was suppressing the attack, but when Mumbling began to speak on the importance of cannabis cultivation in conditions of the far north, our folk approached to the “boneheads” from the back. Sudden attack provoked hand-to-hand fight. Pupkin rushed out from the tree cave and kicked the reproductive organ of one scut. Of course it was inhumane, but it’s war… “Good” were kicking scuts’ asses actively. They were striking their heads and kidneys with legs. Then, after pronouncing the watchword “Keep in mind – I’m not kind. Bump off the fags!”, they began committing such barbarities as “kidney extraction”, “splitting of peroneal bone into 4”, “sucking out of brain”, and (my favourite) “ear lobes and nostrils evulsion with obligatory feeding them to the victim”. In short, people had a lot of fun… Having sent bodies of the scutsto their camp, our folk were tarrying for the reaction. Corpses came to the enemy camp with the ultimatum, in short, its meaning was “You mother fuckers, wanna pop off the hooks in the same way? Fuck off! You’ll be fucked up! We’ll come in the morning and will rip out your nostrils”. The scuts were unreal dudes and dumped a load, so the territory became contaminated at least for forty years. Having left all the armaments, these bozos ran off from our great land and they had never appeared not only in Jamgiland, butin the world history as well. A whisper goes round that they have committed mass act of hara-kiri. Meanwhile the Jamgimen, having captured enemy tank corps, made a madhouse of the republic. Pupkin Mumbling became the President during the next elections and another peaceful period started in the life of our republic.