The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You. Barbara Angelis De
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behind everything I’d observed about society’s treatment of women.
THE OLD RULE WAS:
THE GOAL OF A WOMAN’S LIFE IS TO FIND A MAN AND GET MARRIED.
I’d followed THE OLD RULE, and I’d gotten a man. The problem was, I had wanted to be married, more than I wanted to be married to the right person. As I said earlier: the goal of a woman who follows THE OLD RULE is the acquisition of a man, not the creation of a healthy loving relationship.
This is what happens when you follow THE OLD RULE to get a man. You focus your energy and your awareness on the getting part of the process as opposed to focusing it on whom you’re getting. And one day, you wake up and realize you’re in a relationship that’s not at all what you want with someone who’s not at all whom you want.
Like millions of women before me and millions of women after me who followed THE OLD RULE and ended up in the wrong relationship, I’d been so concerned about getting someone to love me that I’d never taken the time to really ask myself if I loved him. I’d been so concerned about getting a commitment from him that I’d never asked myself if he was the kind of man I wanted to commit to. I’d been so concerned about getting him to think that I was everything he wanted that I’d never asked myself if he was everything I wanted.
It took me until my mid-thirties to realize that I had been unconsciously sabotaging my love life by following THE OLD RULE. And it was only when I stopped practicing this old rule, and applied THE REAL RULES that are in this book, that I finally found the right man, created the healthy relationship I’d always wanted, and got married—this time, for the right reasons …
Where did THE OLD RULE that has dominated so many women’s lives come from? It developed based on thousands of years of history during which women had no equal rights or opportunities, no jobs or ability to earn our own income, and truly needed a man, any man, for our physical survival. We didn’t have a choice—we either got married to whomever would have us, or entered a convent. (Having our own apartment with a friend was not an option …)
Lots of things made sense centuries ago that don’t make sense now—using a horse for transportation; cooking your meals over a fire; abstaining from sex because you didn’t want to have any more children. Now you have other choices that make life a lot easier, and much more enjoyable. That’s called progress. The OLD RULE and all the “sub-rules” that stem from it, made sense thousands of years ago, maybe even a hundred years ago. But they don’t make sense now.
Whether you recently read about this outdated thinking in a book, heard or still hear it from family members or girlfriends, or just realize, like I did, that it’s been unconsciously running and ruining your love life, one thing is true: As a woman on the threshold of the twenty-first century, you have other choices. And that’s what THE REAL RULES are about.
THE REAL RULES are positive principles about love and relationships that will take you into a more powerful, more fulfilled future, rather than trapping you in a limited past.
THE REAL RULES aren’t about trying to be what a man wants so he’ll marry you. Instead, THE REAL RULES are about becoming who you really are as a woman, and finding a man who loves you because of it.
THE REAL RULES won’t just teach you how to get a man—they’ll teach you how to get the right man.
Most importantly, THE REAL RULES are NOT based on the negative principle of FEAR—fear of being alone, fear of being unattractive, fear of a man becoming bored with you if you’re not “mysterious,” fear of making one wrong move or saying one wrong thing and “blowing” a whole relationship. When your behavior or choices are motivated by fear, you’re never acting from your most powerful self.
Instead THE REAL RULES are based on the positive principle of LOVE—loving and honoring your own thoughts, needs, and feelings as a woman, loving and honoring your partner’s own thoughts, needs, and feelings as a man, and expressing that love for yourself and for him by practicing honesty, kindness, and respect in all of your behaviors and communications.
There are 25 REAL RULES I’ll be sharing with you in the following chapters. All of THE REAL RULES are based on these basic principles that I call
THE FOUR LAWS OF LOVE
#1. The purpose of your life isn’t to get married. The purpose of your life is to grow into the most loving, fulfilled, real woman you can be.
#2. Your love life shouldn’t focus on getting a man, but rather on finding the right man for the real you.
#3. Once you have found the right man, the goal shouldn’t be getting him to make the ultimate commitment, but rather, creating a healthy, loving, mutually respectful real relationship.
#4. When you create a healthy, mutually respectful, real relationship with the right man, a loving commitment between you will naturally occur.
Soon I’ll be presenting the specific REAL RULES, but you can start replacing OLD RULES THINKING with REAL RULES THINKING even after reading just these few pages. Here’s a chart to help you:
| OLD RULES THINKING | REAL RULES THINKING |
| I want a man | I want the right man for me |
| I want him to love me | I want him to love me for who I really am |
| I want to become just what he’s been looking for | I want to make sure he’s just what I’ve been looking for |
| I want to get him to marry me | I want to work together to create a healthy, loving, mutually respectful relationship that grows into a commitment so our marriage will last |
I’m so excited to share this information with you. I know it’s going to make an enormous difference in your life, just as it did in mine. You deserve to know about THE REAL RULES!!!
HOW TO STOP SABOTAGING YOUR LOVE LIFE WITH THE OLD RULES
Have you been tempted to try out some so-called “techniques” you recently read in a book or magazine about THE OLD RULES in hope of getting a man to fall in love with you, or getting your boyfriend to propose?
Does the advice you heard from your mother or from friends about how to “play hard to get with men” ever run through your mind, and do you find yourself wondering if it might work for you?
Are you embarrassed to admit that, even though you disagree with them, you’ve secretly considered using some of THE OLD RULES because you’re so tired of being single?
If you answered “yes,” “maybe,” or even “I’m not sure”: STOP EVERYTHING AND READ THIS CHAPTER NOW!! Before you go out on your next date, before you talk to a man on the phone, or before you even leave the house, think about this:
• Practicing THE OLD RULES can sabotage your self-esteem and take away your real power in relationships.
• Practicing THE REAL RULES, you’ll not only find the right man for you, but you’ll also feel more self-confident than ever before in all areas of your life.
Most women I know don’t just want a great relationship—whether they’re seventeen or seventy, they also want to feel fulfilled and powerful in their