Comfortable Chaos. Carolyn Harvey & Beth Herrild
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CFC, you want to harness the energy of your style and use it to your advantage. But you also want to learn to pay attention to the signs that you are approaching the edge of your tolerance.
The mid-range CFC style
If this is you, your mantra is “all things in moderation,” including chaos and excitement. You multitask well and can handle a fairly high level of chaos for short periods of time, but prefer moderate levels on an ongoing basis. You may be able to handle heavy chaos in one area of your life as long as you have order and calm in the others.
Carolyn is a classic example of a mid-range CFC. Working from her home, she likes the exhilaration of having multiple projects and enjoys hustling to meet deadlines. But she also is very aware of her need for pockets of time during the day where she can restore order to her desk and home and take a break from her to-do list. In fact for her, updating her to-do list is a form of taking a deep breath — as is cleaning up the kitchen countertops.
This way of operating now feels completely natural to Carolyn. But when she first took the CFC quiz, she was surprised because she had thought she would score as a high CFC. She realized that she had operated as a high CFC in her corporate jobs, but it was hard to get the pools of calm water she craved. Although she could operate as a high CFC, the mid-range is her natural preference.
Many mid-range CFCs tell us that if they get their “excitement quotient” met in one area of their lives, like work, they will purposely shift into a low CFC mode in another area, like home. We have also found in our interviews, that some mid-range CFCs were actually low CFCs who had moved their CFC along the continuum because of the fast pace and current norms of our society. They realize that in order to feel successful in this environment, they need to deal with a certain amount of chaos. They do what they need to, but may not necessarily like it.
Whether you are a true mid-range CFC or have moved your tolerance to this level, pay attention to your mood and energy level when planning your day. You may feel like working without interruption and laying the groundwork for upcoming tasks. Or if you are in a high CFC mood, tackle lots of projects and go full steam ahead. For day-to-day planning, structure your time with alternative periods of high intensity and low intensity. This way you will create the pools of calm water you need so that you can handle, and enjoy, your time in the rapids.
The low CFC style
If you are a low CFC, you may have a purposeful and methodical approach to your work and your life in general. You aren’t crazy about surprises and feel most energized when your day is planned without overlapping commitments. You enjoy focusing on one task at a time and get a great deal of satisfaction out of a job well done. At home, you prefer a serene environment although it may be a challenge to get your family members to respect your wishes.
It’s possible that you are also somewhat introverted. By definition, extroverts get energy from other people around them. Introverts get energy from within, so the only way that they can recharge their battery, so to speak, is by having the time and space to go within themselves.
Ken is a therapist in private practice and he is married with one child. He is very deliberate about allowing enough time between clients to complete his notes and shift gears before seeing his next client. He says that others in his field are able to get more done, but he needs to structure his life this way in order to maintain the quality of work and parenting that he requires of himself.
Ken may be mistaken that others in his field get more done. By scheduling his activities to take full advantage of his CFC style and by focusing intently on each client, he avoids mistakes and rework. Chances are Ken rarely, if ever, spends 40 minutes searching for a misplaced file! His style is just not the one currently reinforced by our popular culture.
Another plus of the low CFC style is that you are more likely to be in tune with your innate boundaries, even if it isn’t on a cognitive level. You sense in both mind and body when you are getting too close to your threshold of chaos. Unlike the “more is better” high CFC type, you do not have an overinflated sense of what you can accomplish in a day, month, or year. In fact, you may not give yourself enough credit in this area. Don’t sell yourself short just because your style is not the one celebrated in our frenzied society.
Is Your Chaos Working for You or Against You?
Like stress, chaos is a double-edged sword. It can be quite positive at times and be a necessary part of your current priorities. But it can also be just as destructive. How do you know if your current chaos is too much?
One key way is to assess whether, despite all the mayhem, you feel like you are making an impact on something, or someone, that you care deeply about. For example, Cathy says, “I need to feel like all my children are taken care of and are happy. It’s important that I am doing something positive and that makes a difference in order to feel like all the chaos is worth it!”
Most people need to feel that what they are doing makes a difference in some way. How individuals define “making a difference” varies vastly. For some people, it may mean doing something that is socially conscious and affects the greater good. For others, it may mean doing a job in which they feel they are a “player” and can impact the business. Still others need to always feel they are learning something. Ask yourself if your priorities are being addressed. Are you clear on what those priorities are? If not, go back to the earlier section on identifying your priorities.
In addition to being able to name the positive force that is keeping you going, it’s normal to want to feel like you are making strides in the right direction. Liz is a stay-at-home mom with two children. Her CFC is in the mid to low range. She puts a lot of energy into conscious parenting and child-centered activities. She says that she can handle a fair amount of chaos, but “I need to feel like I’m making progress, meeting some goals.” Like Liz, most people need to feel some sense of forward movement.
Only you can really know if your chaos is supporting or sabotaging your priorities. We all have to put up with certain tasks, situations, and struggles to live the life we have chosen. Having children is a perfect example. If our priority is to raise healthy and well-adjusted children, we accept that sick days, cranky days, and sibling rivalry are part of the package. The trick is knowing whether you have orchestrated the right environment and approach for your coefficient for chaos. Before you can do that, let’s assess one more aspect of your current chaos.
Tipping Out of the Raft
You know the feeling: You start your week with a fine-tuned plan without much margin for error, and it all works great until something unexpected happens. As soon as a child-care plan blows up, the dog gets sick, or an aging parent needs help, the whole world is upside down and it feels as though it will take a miracle to right yourself. Even seemingly minor events such as heavy traffic or an unexpected telephone call can tip you over. If you are always teetering on the edge of overwhelmed, then when something unexpected happens you simply don’t have any reserve brain space, energy, and of course, time, to handle it without great physical and emotional stress.
Katherine is involved in a start-up software company with her husband. She has two young children and was making everything work reasonably well despite a horrendous schedule until her babysitter quit unexpectedly and her children got ringworm. “I felt as though my whole world had caved in,” she recalled. Katherine is a low CFC. She had been operating past her threshold for chaos for quite a long time, but, given the progression of events, she was making it work pretty well and really did not want to pull back — until it was too late and she was tipped out of the raft. Now she is slowly recovering, but the toll it has taken is visible when she speaks. She still believes in what she is doing but she is tired, both physically and emotionally, and a little bit of the spark that was there when she first described her new venture in the software company has been temporarily dimmed.
Not only do we schedule ourselves to the maximum, like Katherine, and fail to leave room for problems and delays, but many of us have also fallen prey to the contemporary social pressure that busyness