Comfortable Chaos. Carolyn Harvey & Beth Herrild
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on adrenaline and drive (and sometimes caffeine) to get it all done. Where is the point where busyness tips over to insanely out of control and unhealthy? That point is different for everyone. But a key question to ask is, “How often am I tipping out of the raft?” Because it takes a great deal of energy to right yourself while in the rapids, this is an area to really scrutinize. Would you rate yourself as a frequently tipped out of the raft? (At least once a day.) Occasionally tipped out of the raft? (Once or twice a week.) Or are you rarely tipped out of the raft? (Once or twice a month.)
If you are frequently soaked to the bone with cold water and have to go through the process of righting your raft, bailing out the excess water, and then drying your clothes and gear, then it’s time to learn how to recognize the warning signs that you are about to capsize.
Recognizing the Warning Signs before Capsizing
It’s very easy to get caught up in the activity of the moment, and not notice that you are close to capsizing. Another way to think of this is learning to read the signals that you are reaching the edge of your tolerance for chaos. Again, your coefficient for chaos can play a role. High CFC people will take longer to reach their tolerance level than low CFCs, but everyone has limits and signals. High CFCs have to be a little more careful in this area because they tend to ignore the signals and push on because of the sheer excitement of what they are doing.
People have a variety of signals that let them know they are reaching the edge of their tolerance. Scott, a manager at a high-tech company and father to two elementary-aged children says, “I know I’m reaching my threshold when I start losing track of what needs to be done. Whether it’s work related or personal, I need to stop and try and get organized again. I will sit down and reprioritize my task list.”
For other people, the signs can be physical. Mark is an attorney at a telecommunications company with two small boys at home and says one of his signals is a muscle pain in his back. Mark also has nonphysical signs. “I get in a total reactive mode and am not doing anything proactive. I find myself flitting around putting out lots of little fires but not really completing anything.” This feeling of being like a hamster on a wheel, running but not actually accomplishing much, is a common response to feeling overwhelmed.
In place of feeling physical symptoms or focusing on tasks, some people show their frustration in their interactions with others. Instead of calmly answering a question they may respond abruptly or with sarcasm. Many of the people we interviewed cited “being snippy” as one of their most common reactions to surpassing their tolerance for chaos.
What are your personal signs that you are about to tip out of the raft? You may have one signal in particular or feel it on many different levels. If you are not clear what your signals are, then make an effort to observe them next time you start to get overwhelmed. Recognizing these warning signs can be a huge help because next time you notice them you can stop what you are doing and regroup. Take a five-minute break and ask yourself, “What can I do to stabilize my raft?” Try to calm yourself and step back from the situation for a few minutes. This may mean getting up from your desk and taking a walk, going to the restroom, breathing, or whatever else works for you. By shifting your focus, the next steps will seem more obvious and you can congratulate yourself on avoiding being capsized.
In this chapter, you have discovered where your time goes, where you would like it to go, and your coefficient for chaos. Understanding your own personal preferences and tolerances, all part of individual, is the critical beginning for moving along the continuum toward achieving Comfortable Chaos. In the next chapter, we shift our attention to the pressures and challenges of today’s world and learn some tools that fall under the second I, imperfect.
3
Taking Charge in a High-Speed “Suck You Dry” World
Carolyn will never forget the time she was working in a very challenging job and learned the hard way that more work does not equal more appreciation. She was in a unique job called skill team support manager — a human resources position where she was required to coordinate staffing issues with managers from various programs by bringing them together in weekly or biweekly meetings. The problem with this job was that every manager considered himself or herself to be a customer and a critic. As you can imagine, it was nearly impossible to satisfy all of them since they represented very different programs and agendas.
At one of the weekly meetings, a discussion occurred about the need for a selection process and succession plan for the second-level managers. This topic had come up in the past but Carolyn had always held it off since the group was barely able to get through the processes for first-level managers. Carolyn had also worked on executive succession planning and found it frustrating due to personality challenges and lack of control.
This particular Friday she relented and did what all good skill team support people did — offered to draft a process. “We’ll need that right away so that we will be prepared for upcoming promotions,” came a familiar and annoying voice from the back of the room. “I’ll call a special meeting to review it next week,” Carolyn committed. This was late afternoon on a Friday, and she was swamped with other work and priorities so she resigned herself to working on the weekend.
She researched and she drafted and she fine-tuned an elaborate process. She worked on other projects as well and ended up having to come in on Sunday to finish the second-level management plan. The draft process was finally sent to the skill team members and a meeting scheduled for Monday afternoon. Leaving the office Sunday afternoon, Carolyn felt tired but had some satisfaction in having completed an unpleasant task.
On Monday morning she arrived at her tidied desk and diminished to-do pile but didn’t feel energized for the week. Instead, she felt cheated of her weekend and sick of the four walls that surrounded her. Oh well, she told herself, at least the skill team members will be grateful.
At the meeting that afternoon, Carolyn expected a relatively uneventful review of the process with some minor revisions. She was totally shocked and instantly defensive when the meeting took a different turn. One manager commented that he thought the process was more detailed and bureaucratic than needed. Another added that he really didn’t see the need for a process at this time — there were other priorities. And other managers failed to even show up for the meeting after insisting it had to be scheduled right away!
As the meeting deteriorated and Carolyn’s anger grew, she managed to remain mostly professional, although her demeanor was much more abrupt than usual. She ended the meeting, walked back to her office, and threw all of her materials on her desk. Without even thinking, she grabbed her purse and headed for the car. By this point she was outraged and on the verge of tears. She left without telling anyone and once in the car, started cursing and crying and ended up driving home.
Looking back, Carolyn knows that her extreme reaction was directly related to her physical and emotional condition when she entered that meeting. She was tired, but more significantly, she was mentally and emotionally depleted. She vowed to never over-sacrifice again.
Controlling the Corporate Beast
You are about to be introduced to a metaphor we will use throughout this chapter. It may appear that we are picking on companies by using the terms “corporate” and “beast” together. We chose the word “corporate” because we view corporations, and many other organizations, as very powerful forces in our country, our economy, and our personal lives. Whether you work for a corporation or are a stay-at-home parent, the analogy works equally well because it is a way to put a name to that economic and social force that drives so much of how we spend our time. So think of the “corporate” in “corporate beast” as a powerful force that sometimes pushes against your efforts for a sane and meaningful life. Sometimes it takes a gritty metaphor to help drive home a point.
For those of you working in a traditional employer-employee relationship, think of your company as a wild and consuming animal. If you’re the visual type, choose a particularly ferocious animal and imagine it with your corporate logo on its chest. It’s a rather