A Cure for All Diseases. Reginald Hill
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the only thing that travels faster than bad news is crap through a goose – Ive not started worrying – yet!
Here excitement piles on excitement – not sure if Ill be able to bear much more!
Thats called irony by the way – just in case youve completely forgotten everything Mr big-Dickenson at the comp taught you in English – though I dont suppose you heard much of what he said – above the roar of your randy hormones!
First – Toms sister Diana turned up! None of the strong hints Id had about her oddness prepared me for the reality. Not bad looking – small & trim – full of words & fuller of energy – or so it seemed to me – though by her own – & Toms – account – she spends so much time lying at deaths door – she must be a real hindrance to his milkman!
Death must be on hold today – way she came bursting in at Kyoto like a small tornado.
– I am just arrived – she proclaimed – let me sit down – (which she did) – your raw sea air – a tonic I know for some – is too savage for my weak constitution. Where are the dear children – (jumping out of her chair) – I must see them at once – & this is Miss Heywood – I know you from Toms letters – my dear – its true Tom – a fine complexion – no trouble with your circulation – Tom – how is your ankle? – let me see – (here she knelt & pulled up her brothers trouser leg & folded down his sock) – looks fine to me – very little swelling – (not surprising as she was looking at the wrong ankle) – you say the Willingdene healer played a part? – an interesting acquisition – too late for me of course – years of misdiagnosis by incompetent MDs have put me beyond hope of healing – but I work tirelessly for others –
As I listened to Diana rattling on – I began to understand Toms preoccupation with alternative medicine. In his beloved sisters eyes – alternative was mainstream – she was into alternatives to the alternatives!
Finally Tom got a word in – asking where her luggage was – assuming she would be staying at Kyoto – causing Mary to wince before the polite smile formed – but relief was on its way.
– such was of course my intention – said Di – but as you know I have been ever industrious in singing the praises of Sandytown – Tom – & as you may have noticed – I have been instrumental in persuading a friend of mine – seeking a holiday destination for herself & her teenage neices – to choose Sandytown rather than one of the less salubrious resorts – so I thought I would drop in on her at Seaview Terrace to check that all was as perfect as I had promised –
– & was it? – asked Tom.
– alas no – she said – Unfortunately one of her neices had slipped while scrambling over some rocks on the shore – damaging her leg – not too seriously – but sufficient for her to wish to recuperate at home – & naturally her sibling went with her. I found Sandy – that is my freind – Mrs Griffiths – undecided whether to follow their example – or stay on by herself. Seeing the danger that her early return might start a rumour that Sandytown beach was unsafe – whereas the truth is – as you know Tom – we have some of the least slippery rocks on the east coast – I immediately offered my services – both as co-tenant – & as a conduit into the best circles of the district – both of which offers Mrs Griffiths – that is – Sandy – was delighted to accept. Beleive me – only my sense of responsibility for the good name of Sandytown – & by implication of yourself – Tom – would make me inflict this disappointment on you & Mary –
She looked for applause – which Tom gave her – while Mary managed to murmur something about typical kindness – & all I could think was – unaccountable officiousness!
Tom – full of brotherly concern for her frail constitution – insisted on driving her back down to the Terrace – with me invited along too – I suspect in my capacity of St J Ambulance trained physician – in case the shock of the sea air brought on a seizure!
Sandy Griffiths – even though introduced as a ‘vegan warrior’! – had no outward signs of the kind of dottiness I suspect must be a precondition of chumming up with Deaths Door Di. 40 something – strong handsome face – with a peculiarly disturbing stare – I thought she looked pretty good for someone who presumably existed on sprout fricassees & nut cutlets. She made us v welcome. Tea was produced – camomile for Diana – of course! – Typhoo for the rest of us – plus some v nice cream cakes – which Di thrust aside with shudder – declaring that one bite would be the death of her. All the more for me! I noticed that Sandy G had a nibble too – so not a total vegan! Nor – it seemed to me – a particularly close buddy of Dianas – which made me wonder how shed let herself be manoeuvred into having Di as her live-in guide. Tried some subtle probing – but Sandy G fixed me with her stare – so I backed off. Maybe being called Sandy makes her feel as proprietorial about Sandytown as Diana clearly does!
Tom clearly sees nothing but his sisters good points. He really is a sweetie. I find Im becoming as anxious as Mary that some people might be tempted to take advantage of his good-nature.
2 more excitements – then Im done. I dont want to risk over-stimulating you!
After we left the Terrace – driving back through the town – we saw Franny Roote hauling himself into his car. The ease with which he did it – reaching out to fold up his wheelchair & swing it into the back – suggested long practice – & my heart ached for him. OK – I know what youd say – all that stuff about handicapped people finding expressions of sympathy & offers of assistance patronizing – but I cant help it. Hes a young guy – & hes missing out on so much young guy stuff it breaks me up – so there!
Tom pulled alongside – & called – hello there Franny! – hows things –
– great – he said – giving me a big smile – & how are you – Charlotte?
– fine – I said – nice wheels.
Idiot thing to say – as it was a small boxy MPV – chosen – I guess – because the sliding doors made things easier.
– yes – he said – I dithered between this & the Porsche for a long time –
But he gave me a big grin – to show I hadnt really offended him.
Tom said – you wont forget the planning committee meeting at the Avalon on Friday –
– such excitements – said Fran – the committee on Friday – Lady Ds hog-roast on Sunday – then less than a week to recover before the Festival – be still my foolish heart! –
Tom – who doesnt do irony – said with concern – Fran – is there a problem? –
– no no – grinned Franny – of course Ill be there – Charlotte – will you be staying on for the Bank Holiday weekend & the great Festival of Health? –
– no – Im heading home this Saturday – I said.
Tom looked devastated – tho Id made it clear this was my plan – & Franny winked at me & said – then why not let Tom bring you along on Friday – not to the meeting – wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy – but Lester will be laying on some booze & snacks afterwards. Its the Festival action committee – so all us therapists will be there – great chance to pick their brains for your thesis – & Ill be first in the queue! –
Tom thought this was an excellent idea – & I was rather flattered by Frans keenness to see me again. (OK – I know – Im anybodys for a kind word!) Also I wouldnt mind seeing the inside of the Avalon – so I said – why not? – giving Franny my best smile.
– great – he said – look forward to seeing you then –
– me too – I said – meaning it.
Dont know whats happening to me! Maybe Sandytowns one of those magic places – like Brigadoon or Oz – that you stray into – then get taken over by.
Yes –