Gay Parenting. Cynthia Phillips
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her college years and loved the people, the language and the gorgeous scenery. Her great-grandparents also hailed from Moscow. For her, adopting a child from Russia was an obvious choice, and one she began to pursue seriously.
International adoption is an increasingly popular choice for many singles and couples. These sorts of adoptions are typically done through an international adoption agency, rather than a state-run department or a private attorney. There are many different international agencies to choose from, depending mostly on where you live and what country you want to adopt from. Your own location, though, isn’t that important; if you live in Arizona, for example, you could easily work with an agency based in New York.
The international adoption process is fairly complicated. You will first locate an international adoption agency. You will fill out some paperwork and will be accepted (or rejected) by the agency; there is usually a deposit required at this point. The agency will then show you videos, photos and medical charts for children who are available for adoption. Around this time, you will also begin some extensive paperwork required to adopt from any country; you’ll need to solicit and obtain letters of recommendation, certifications of employment, a medical checkup, financial verification, fingerprinting, proof of no criminal record, a current passport and a host of other documents. Expect all of this to take several months to complete. In the meantime, you can select a child and begin a separate set of paperwork for the actual adoption. In many cases your agency will prepare a dossier of paperwork and ship it off to the country you’ve chosen to adopt from.
Eventually, the foreign country will approve (or reject) your desire to adopt, and you’ll make a trip to see your child. Some countries now require two separate trips, while some allow you to stay in-country for several weeks and finish the adoption in a single overseas trip. Other countries only give you a referral for a child right before your travel date is determined. Once there, you’ll meet your child and should have the opportunity to decline the adoption if the child doesn’t meet your expectations (or has medical problems that were not apparent before). If you choose to go ahead with the adoption, you’ll go to court, obtain a judgment certifying that the child is now yours, and will fill out yet more paperwork to secure a new birth certificate, travel visa and passport for your child. The child will also get a thorough medical exam in-country before he is allowed to leave. Eventually, all the paperwork will be completed, and you and your child will be on an airplane headed for home and your new life together.
There are many major decisions to be made, but the first crucial thing to decide when considering international adoption is the country you’d like to adopt from. Sarah knew that she wanted to adopt a child that shared her ethnic heritage, hence her decision to adopt from Russia. Race may also play a role in your selection of a country to adopt from; if you will only accept a Caucasian baby, for example, you may not consider agencies that only work with Guatemala and India. You should instead focus on agencies that work with Russia, the Ukraine and other European countries.
Sarah didn’t have a gender preference. In Russia, she had a choice of genders; at the time she was adopting (1997) there were both girls and boys available. While most countries will offer children of both genders for adoption, be aware that some (like China) are much more likely to have baby girls up for adoption, while others (like Vietnam) often have more boys available than girls. In general, adoptive parents seem to preferentially choose to adopt girls rather than boys, so in some countries the wait for a girl may be longer than the wait for a boy.
Many countries will give preferential treatment to parents of the same ethnic background as the child they wish to adopt; for example, if you’re of Indian descent and want to adopt a child from India, you may get a referral faster than someone of another background. To adopt in Japan, only married couples are allowed and one must be of Japanese descent. Most gay couples will want to look to countries with less severe restrictions.
HOW YOUNG WILL MY BABY BE?
Almost all countries have regulations and waiting periods that will make it impossible for you to take home a baby less than six months old. The reasons for this are complex, but most other countries want to give their own citizens (or the child’s birthparents) time to adopt a child before surrendering it for international adoption. Six months is a typical waiting period. Discuss with the agency the youngest child you can adopt, and ask which countries currently have the youngest children available and ready for adoption.
Sibling groups can sometimes be adopted at the same time, which saves on travel expenses and other fees. If you’re sure you want a large family, it may make sense to look into adopting two siblings from the same orphanage. A sibling adoption may often go faster than a single; most often these children have been waiting for some time to be adopted, and will have already gone through the required holding periods. Some countries also allow the adoption of two unrelated children at the same time, though many agencies discourage what is known as “artificial twinning” when two unrelated children of approximately the same age are adopted together.
WHAT IF MY CHILD IS SICK?
Making a decision as to your willingness to take a child with potential health complications will be important in your decision. Some children placed for adoption in other countries will have some sort of health problem. The problem may be no more serious than head lice or an upper respiratory infection, but it could also include birth defects like a cleft palate or serious medical issues. Of course, children available for adoption domestically can also come with their own medical issues, but they are easier to diagnose and understand from nearby rather than relying on long-distance diagnoses that are often fraught with translation problems. In international adoption, most agencies will supply videos, photos and other information about the child, and you’ll want to bring or mail these videos to a doctor who specializes in children from foreign orphanages. He’ll be able to examine the video and give you an idea of how healthy your child actually is.
With Sarah’s adoption, she was surprised to find that her potential daughter had about twenty listed problems and disorders – everything from schizophrenia to Down’s syndrome! “I sent the videos to a doctor who’d dealt with a lot of Russian babies, and she told me that they (the orphanages) often do this – list tons of medical problems that the baby may or may not have. Apparently, they have these “full disclosure” policies so that if something ends up wrong with the baby, I can’t sue them later. I figured the baby looked healthy, the doctor thought she looked healthy, and there was no way she could have had ALL of these problems anyway!”
Adopting children with special needs comes with its own set of problems and joys. You’ll usually need to prove that you have adequate medical insurance that will cover care and treatment for the child. On the plus side, these adoptions often go faster and are less expensive than adopting a healthy newborn. These children may have been waiting for months or years, and the paperwork will usually go through faster. Adopting a child with medical issues, such as a cleft palate, that are easily addressed in the United States but might be beyond the capabilities of the child’s birth country, is one way that an international adoption can make a huge difference in the life of a child.
CAN I EVEN AFFORD TO ADOPT FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY?
The actual adoption expenses may be less than $10,000, but there are many other fees to take into account. An agency will surely charge a fee for their services, probably ranging from $2000-$5000, as will many of the agencies in-country. Sarah tried to recall all of her expenses. “Bear in mind that this was seven years ago, but here goes. The adoption itself was around $7000. The agency charged me about $8000 on top of that. Travel expenses for my aunt and me were about $4000. All the gifts we brought cost close to $500. And don’t even get me started on the apostiling!”
Sarah is referring to the fact that all documents, from health and bank statements to home studies, have to be notarized and apostiled (a state-level notarization that insures that your notary public is properly registered) before they can be sent to the country you’re adopting from. Both of these services come with fees, which can add up when you consider the number of documents you’ll need to have officially verified. International travel costs can also be considerable when you take into account that you may have to make more than one trip and you’re responsible for your hotel, travel and other expenses in-country.
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