Gay Parenting. Cynthia Phillips
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and the lawyer will guide you through what documents will be necessary to protect you and your family. Depending on how complex your situation is, you may find lawyers who will do all this over the phone, though it’s probably easier if you meet in person, especially if you want the lawyer to review financial statements or other documents. You can then expect the lawyer and/or members of her staff to prepare the paperwork. They may mail you copies to review before the final consultation. Once all papers are prepared to your satisfaction, expect at least one more meeting in the lawyer’s office to go through all the documents and have everything signed and notarized. Most law firms will have a notary public on staff who can take care of that part of the process.
Make multiple copies of each item, and have each copy notarized separately. Yes, it will add to the fee, but notarized copies are often seen as more valid than simple photocopies. The originals should be stored in a safe deposit box or other safe location. Other copies should be filed at the appropriate institutions, including banks and hospitals as outlined above. Your lawyer may also be able to keep copies on file, in case future heirs need to locate them.
GO IT ALONE
If the expense of a lawyer is beyond your means, don’t despair. You can locate and file most of this documentation completely on your own. It will, however, take sleuthing, research, perseverance and patience. While a general overview of the necessary processes is provided here, remember that the exact forms required may vary by state.
When considering drawing up legal documentation yourself, you have three major options. You can download sample wills and other forms from various websites, you can purchase a do-it-yourself Make Your Own will book or you can purchase software such as WillMaker, which guides you through the process of customizing your very own will.
Downloading sample wills from the Internet is an easy option because it can be as simple as doing an online search, locating a form, downloading it, printing it out and filling it out. The disadvantage of such a method is that any forms downloaded may or may not be legally valid in your state. Such standardized forms also may not take into account the specialized issues of gay and lesbian couples. They may only be valid for simple situations, and if your personal situation is more complicated, the generic forms may not apply.
For Medical directives and living wills, there is an excellent online resource that, fortunately, provides clear forms for every state in the country. All state forms can be downloaded from http://www.partnershipforcaring.org. Healthcare Power of Attorney forms can be downloaded from http://www.familycaregiversonline.com/legal-medical.html. These forms can also be obtained from large hospitals or from the medical association in your state. The American Medical Association’s website (http://www.ama-assn.org) contains links to websites for medical associations in all fifty states.
If online forms are unappealing, or if you’re not comfortable downloading forms over the Internet, there are several books for sale that instruct you on how to make your own will. Nolo Press (www.nolopress.org) publishes a number of particularly good do-it-yourself legal books, some of which include CD-ROMs with forms that you can fill in using a word processor. Such books will talk you through the process, providing specific advice and information for a range of situations. Make sure to get the latest edition of any book that you use, as laws change rapidly. Also be sure that any advice in the book is valid in your state.
Software provides a third way to make your own will relatively inexpensively. One popular example is Quicken WillMaker Plus (also by Nolo Press). This application includes wills, living trusts, healthcare directives, financial POA and various other documents for the executor of your will. There are many other software applications available as well, and most of them have a similar range of options.
The advantage of using legal software is that it can take you through a step-by-step process using documents and legal requirements that are specific to your particular state. You won’t need to scrutinize every page to check for your own state, because it will be an option you can select when starting to use the software. You can fill in the blanks and print out forms, and the software will guide you through exactly what needs to be filled out. You also won’t need to fill out the same thing more than once – the software will remember common entries such as your name and address and fill them in automatically for you.
Software is customizable for your situation, meaning you only need to fill out the forms (or parts of forms) that apply specifically to you. Software also allows you to make small changes to various parts of your legal documentation easily, without having to redo the entire process. On-screen help will provide links to explanations of legal terms and definitions, which will save you from having to look up unfamiliar words or purchase a legal dictionary.
If you take any of the do-it-yourself routes described here, once you’ve prepared your documents they will need to be notarized before they will be legally valid. You and your partner, along with valid identification, must go to a public notary. Notaries can be found in the yellow pages of most phone books. Places like copy and mailing centers often have a notary on staff, and many other places of business (such as your office) may have a notary.
In order to have your documents notarized, the notary public will need to verify your identification. You must then sign the document(s) in the presence of the notary. The notary will then sign and stamp the documents with her seal, making them legally valid. Expect to pay anywhere from two to ten dollars per page or document.
In addition, when using documents that you’ve prepared yourself, it’s highly advisable to have a lawyer look them over before considering them finished. Preparing documents yourself and having them professionally checked is often much more affordable than having a lawyer do all the work, plus it provides enhanced legal protection in the case that you’ve omitted something or haven’t taken into account a particular situation in your state of residence. Only a lawyer who’s well-versed in estate planning in your own state will know the detailed ramifications, including tax implications, of the decisions you might make. It is well worth a brief consultation.
Unless your state or country has ratified laws on homosexual couples’ rights, gay and lesbian couples will require plenty of documentation just to gain a few of the rights that are automatically granted to married heterosexual couples. However, until marriage is available equally to homosexual couples, it is important to do the best you can to protect your family. Simplify things by carrying notarized copies of documentation in your car, leaving them in your suitcase for traveling or sending a copy ahead when you’re planning to travel and stay with a friend. An afternoon of paperwork may save you from serious heartache down the road. Of course, it doesn’t seem fair, needing to do all this paperwork in the first place. However, with a bit of planning, some problems can be anticipated. Just think about the peace of mind you’ll achieve when all your paperwork is in order and you won’t have to worry about this stuff any more.
For more information on these processes, an excellent resource is A Legal Guide for Lesbian & Gay Couples (Nolo Press Self-Help Law Books), by Hayden Curry. This frequently updated guide helps couples anywhere in the country gain legal protection for their relationship, to the best of their ability in their particular states.
Another good resource with more information on the variety of documents discussed in this chapter is Lambda Legal’s publication “Life Planning: Legal Documents and Protections for Lesbians and Gay Men.” It is available online at http://www.lambdalegal.org/sections/library/lifeplanning.pdf. Another publication, from the National Center for Lesbian Rights, is “Lifelines: Documents to protect you and your family in times of trouble.” It is available online at http://www.nclrights.org/publications/pubs/lifelines.pdf. This document contains appendices with samples of various legal forms.
CONCLUDING ADVICE
While starting a family will be one of the most